OMG...Why AM I Not Pregnant? [[Expectations]]

So*This*Is*NOT*What*You*May*Think......

As I sit here in my "going to bed" mode (perm rollers set & scarf completely on the highest of fleek), I think about the events that took place in my life as of recently. As some of you may already know, I am now an auntie of 12 nieces & nephews (that's right folks...numbers don't lie). Some of you may be thinking, how can a 23 year old woman be an Auntie to that many kids....it's possible and it's definitely done but that is not the reason for this particular post. All these kids have really got me thinking about life.

I NEVER thought that I would catch myself in such a 

cliche' part of my life.

Honestly, I thought I was still too young to even have to answer this question. (Which I will get to in a moment....or you may have already assumed.) We are so living in a day in age where women are expected to go forth into a career or to further their education before anything else. At times, it seems to be held by even a higher standard than taking any other route. But I have now come to the conclusion that this cliche' way of thinking may actually be reality. Hence, the golden question......

When Are You Going To Start Having Some Babies?

I think that the college life has spoiled me in a way. 

When you live in a town that was made completely for a university, you tend to get so use to life in that bubble. So use to it, that you may even think that your way of thinking is that of the majority.

Such a lie.

TO MY COLLEGE FOLKS --> Stop lying to yourself. Let me tell you why......

When I graduated from high school, I knew a number of people who had kids soon after. I am not judging, I'm just saying...that's what happened. What I also noticed was that those that decided to go the college route thought that having kids at the age of 18-21 was sooooooooo weird. Even I thought that was soooo young. I really did because my life still consisted of books, studying and grades.

Well as I got further through college, I soon learned that my way of thinking was actually WRONG. Those deciding to further their education are actually the minority. From my self made survey (completed completely in my head) I saw a trend that usually once graduated from high school, a lot more of us start families than putting that on hold for a career. Not saying either way is right or wrong.... that's just what had happened.

So where am I going with all this? Well, I am now 23 and I think this is usually the peak age of starting a family for women. For the first time, I am starting to lowkey feel the pressure of others and their "?s". 

And yes, I know that at the end of the day, it's nobody's business but my own but I am finally starting to understand what we had once talked about so much in a number of my Psychology classes. 

EXPECTATIONS.

I remember being in college with a different set of expectations. At that time, everyone had their own set of expectations for my career and the direction of it. AND NOW....now what I have graduated, now what I have been blessed with a great job, blessed to be with an amazing person....a lot of people are like: 

DEGREE + JOB + MAN = GIRL WHAT YOU WAITING ON??

So.........ladies and gents...here are my answer[s]:

God's Timing:

It's perfect. Now do not get me wrong, every child that is meant to be here is meant to be here. Not one child is a mistake or an accident. God has purpose for everyone who is on this Earth so please never misunderstand His purpose for our choices. What I am saying is that, although all that is true, life is harder with a child when you are not mentally prepared to have one. I have rushed when it came to certain points in my life, and I am finally learning to slow down and smell those amazing roses God has placed in my life. When I wait on Him, I am giving Him room to establish that favor in my life that I so desire. Plus, I am waiting on His timing for that ring too honey child!!! I trust that in His season, everything will fall into place. I don't know when His timing is, but I do know that with His timing comes His perfection which is totally my safety net...blanket....& everything else used to describe trust & peace.

Generational Curses:

I am determined to break them. Simple as that. Through prayer, fasting and just going against the grain of that has been done for years within my family. I believe to get different results, you must take different directions and you have to be strong enough to handle the criticism that comes along with that....whether it is from others or yourself. You just can't do things the same way you or your family has done when you already know the answer to that hard, complicated life equation. Why not try something different?

This is Me & Bae's Time:

You know, the subtitle tells it all. This is time for me and the bae to cake it up and get to really know each other. It has actually taken me a long time to finally get to this point. As a young girl, getting married and having a family has always been something that was pushed in our faces as our conceptional duties at birth. It has been stamped on us to rush. I am just starting to learn, understand and accept the fact that God's timing is HIS timing for a reason. Every place we find ourselves in is meaningful because it edifies our lives and grandioso purpose. As long as it is God's will, this is our time to just love on each other without having to share the attention. This is definitely our time to really accomplish our dreams, travel the world....DO WHATEVER WE WON'T BE ABLE TO DO WITH KIDS. And I know there are some that can still do a lot even with them but we lazy.....ain't nobody got time for that. (And we are totally fine with that lol). This is time for us to grow spiritually, mentally and physically as individuals and as a couple.

Overall....

Regardless of where you find yourself, whether you are married or not, a parent or not....have a degree or not..whatever walk of life you may find yourself in, know that God is with you. Don't try to see how much greener the grass is on your friend's or a stranger's lawn. It is pointless, you were made for the life that you are living right now and your can either float or sink. Never down your current situation (no matter how pretty & shiny or dull & ugly) because it doesn't look like what the world says it should. A lot of times, we don't even see the beauty in our own lives until we have that light bulb moment.  LOVE YOUR LIFE. Love it up and trust in God to keep you moving in the correct direction, even if it is going against the grain. You were made purposeful, powerful, flawed but destined. ;)

SATURDAY NITE: #PIA2015 #HOUSTON #PC4M

Hello Everyone,

Of course I could not just talk about how great the poetry slam was without posting a few pics & videos!!! Check it out below:

Me & My College Ladies <3

A Selfie w/ the Amazing Poet Ezekiel

Aaaah! Another Selfie w/ Johnathan McReynolds (definitely didn't recognize him until he started singing...sorry homie).

Us with the one and only Mrs. "I Will Wait for You"

Jackie Hill-Perry, so amazing and inspirational!!

Jeanette...IKZ!

Amazing Night! I would suggest anyone to check them out on YouTube or a show near you!!!!



#MuchLove ;)

Check Out My Newest Video: Choosing the Right College Major!

My Struggle With Sexual Sin....

Eeeeehhh, I definitely wasn't planning on going in this deep for my next blog posting. HOWEVER, after a night like last night....you just have to be honest with yourself. As rigid as the title sounds, at the tender age of 23, the struggle with sexual sin gets more than real but everything has its starting marks.

So last night a few of my college buddies and I attended an amazing Poetry Slam in Houston, Texas. We all laughed, caught each other up on the latest in each of our lives and made jokes about how it seemed that some of the women there not only was ready to hear some poetry but also was ready to find a husband too. (It's nothing new at events like these. There's something about these artsy things that make black women think LOVE JONES instead of the actual purpose which is LOVE CHRIST. Buuuutttt anywho, I digress.)

As we found our seats and the lights lowered, we were all ready to have the ultimate experience that we have always imagined and seen on YouTube! I can't speak for all of my comrades but as the amazing words of Ezekiel, Jackie Hill-Perry, Preston Perry, and Janette..IKZ infiltrated my ears it also pierced my heart and broke the glass of forgetfulness around my memory regarding things of my past.

What if I told you that the things that you've gone through, even those you've forgotten (or wanted to forget) can effect the livelihood of your daily life? I always knew I had an interesting sex drive.(Not to say that I want to put my business out there but I am just going to let the Lord guide my fingers). I figured that it was just my hormones raging due to young age, normal right?

Well as I stated earlier, last night, I was so convicted of my sexual impurity and the Lord allowed my mind to wonder and to really dissect where it all came from. As Jackie Hill - Perry approached the mic and spoke of her struggle as a homosexual (she is now married by the way...to a guy lol) the conviction laid hard on myself. The chains that were wrapped around my memory began to loosen and tears began to form as the reality of a portion of my life surfaced.

My sexual impurity began long before I even reached puberty, it actually started in elementary school with a little girl about my age at that time. I still remember her name, I still remember her how she looks...I remember her. I remember being at school one day and we were watching a movie at that time and she asked me "Can I touch you"? Although, majority  the details of that day are now vague I do remember us being under a sheet and her guiding my hands to her private places that usually little children our age should have been ignorant of. I remember her hands invading my private places as well. I remember quickly retracting my hand and then going to the restroom. I was completely confused at my curiosity and embarrassed because I knew it was wrong. She then followed me to the bathroom and then into the same stall I was in and tried to touch on me again. I pushed her off and then we never really spoke after that. Every encounter after that was awkward and weird. (Yall this is so hard...)

As years progressed, I struggled a lot with having sexual thoughts & desires ...long before hitting puberty and when I did, it seemed that everything was times 10! It was something that seemed so uncontrollable, especially when I was younger because I didn't have the understanding of where it all originated from.

A few years later, I also learned that molestation took place in my family as well. It shook my world completely, I never looked at men the same way again. From that point forward, I was paranoid of pretty much all men I encountered. I never wanted to be left alone with them and my trust level for any and every man was at an all time low. In my head it was plain, "if someone who I am this close with can do this then there is no telling what a perfect stranger can do to me".

I struggled you guys for so many years. I cried so many nights about why did this have to take place in my family. Why couldn't I have a normal family who's intentions were purely out of love and not an ulterior motive? Why God?

The interesting thing about it all was that after finding out about the molestation, it made it all the more easier for me to wait until marriage. It made me not place myself in any uncompromising positions, it made me not trust a smiling face, it made me wiser. It's funny how God can really use a devastating moment in your life and turn it into something worth living for.

Last night, God used that time to really allow me to see how great HE really is. Once I thought about all the things that have taken place in my life and the roads I could have turn to because of them, tears flowed heavy from my eyes. All I could do was tell the Lord "Thank You for Delivering Me". All it takes is one unfortunate incident for us, as humans, to walk away from the love of Christ. All it takes is one misguided child or one family secret to have you move in another direction.

I know that this is a longer post than usual, so I thank you all who have made it to this point but what I want to say is that no matter what the Devil tries to use for your destruction, God already has a plan to protect you through it and to see you out. We all have dirty clothes in our hamper of life. We all have things that we are not proud of. We all have things in our past that we had no control of but those things are just evidence of the broken world we live in. IT IS NOT EVIDENCE OF A NON-EXISTING GOD!

Let me tell you that my struggle of sexual sin is not easy. I am most definitely a work in progress. The Devil definitely used different baits to hook me onto his lies and away from the grace and mercy of the Lord. That little girl in elementary school, the molestation in my family, and during my freshman year in college I was even introduced to porn. HE HAS BEEN TRYING TO BAIT ME FOR YEARS.

When he tries different things in your life, take note, write it down and bring it to the Lord. Present them to Him and understand that when different things seem to be happening in your life it's not directly for you. You may be directly hit but this is the devil indirectly trying to have shots fired at the Lord.The devil knows what we are His soft spot, we are His children and as any parent would be, He is very protective. I have had to come to this conclusion to not hold grudges and to allow love to still enter into my heart.

So some might ask, Mahalia....why would you put all your business out here for the world to see? Well, in the words of Preston Perry last night,

"Your freedom is worth my embarrassment."

I don't mind a few people judging me because I know that through every shot fired He will protect me and HE is worth knowing. He saved me from the possible direction of homosexuality due to my first sexual encounter. He saved my life you guys! So to you who may be afraid or may have experienced what I have or even worst, please know what although certain things can enter our lives at such young ages, God was still there. How do I know? The flowing of blood through your veins and the breath in your lungs is proof enough.

God created you with a divine purpose, one that can never be destroyed by the enemy so take that and run with Him! Trust Him and continue to walk into your ultimate, unrelenting, unmoving destiny! I hope this has help someone as much as last night helped me!

Stay in the fight! You are worth fighting for!!!

I Am Such A Liar...To Myself :(

This really wasn't meant to be a long blog post but I have to spill the beans on myself.

I am a liar. Not like a compulsive liar, but one of those liars who says she is going to do this and that and then get distracted by other things in life and never finish what she started in the first place. When it comes to goals, I let myself down alot more than I let others down because I know the achievements I want to accomplish and often times I let life happen and lies happen to myself as well.

It is truly a bad habit and if I can't be honest with myself (or my lovely readers) who can I be honest with? I've been this way since I could remember. Even in college, I lost motivation many of times because I just allowed myself to get distracted by other things.

I sucked at staying focused. There have been countless of times where I have started things in my life...great ideas btw...but still unfinished. So who's to say that my life would have been going in a different direction had I stayed the coarse and remained focused?

Trust me when I say, we all have our flaws. I believe that mines definitely have alot to do with just sticking to my guns, and not allowing anything to distract me from my goals. They say (whoever "they" are) the first step to letting go of an addiction is admitting you have a problem soooooo here we go.......

I Get DISTRACTED 

EASILY.......

Maybe by me actually taking a chance with my pride & ego and actually saying it out loud it will actually help me pull up my big girl pants and really move forward in my goals. It's all a work in progress....

A few things I have learned so far about myself is that, I AM THE REASON FOR ME BEING WHERE I AM. YES, I pray. YES, I aim to keep God in all of my decisions. YES, I stay having goals and aspirations but as it says in the Bible -  "Faith WITHOUT Works Is DEAD" (James 2:17). This basically means that Mahalia cannot just pray that the Lord sees her through without taking steps in faith towards that direction. I have to invest! And honestly, I have struggled for a long time with really staying the coarse. Not because I didn't believe I couldn't do it but because I can just be plain old lazy.

Sometimes I think that when I was younger, my low self esteem catered to my laziness. You know that way of thinking like, "well I can't do this anyways...so why even try. Might as well stop while I am ahead." Sometimes we allow ourselves to murder our own potential and futures by simply speaking death and negativity over our own lives. 

I mean, WHO NEEDS HATERS ANYWAYS WHEN YOU HAVE YOURSELF, RIGHT?

Self esteem is so essential to our futures and maybe if I didn't think so lowly of myself I would have been on stage right now instead of behind a desk. My life would probably have very well gone in a different directions but the great thing is that even with our slip ups, God has a Plan B, C, D....... and Z if we allow Him to have His Way in our lives. 

At this moment, I have a $300 piano sitting on my desk that I have turned on only to allow my nephew to play on. The amazing thing is that, when I prayed to God to provide me with avenues to polish my talents in what I am passionate for, He almost instantly opens a door for that to happen (as He did with this piano). Now, the next move is up to me. Will I take initiative to learn how to play it or will I let it collect dust? Will I continue to post on this blog, regardless of how many views I get or will I give up? Will I keep going hard for better quality of footage for my YouTube page or will I get distracted and give up?

We all have choices to make, in the words of my middle school math teacher, Mr. Hughes. We all have choices no matter what. That is the perk of having Free Will in this life but what will you choose?

I can not say that I will become Mozart on that piano tomorrow but what I can say is that I am in the way of my own success and admitting it to you all is a start but it's that step after admitting the problem that really matters. And I am so tired of lying to myself....Mahalia girl, it is time to change things up or stay chasing opportunities.

What opportunities are you steady chasing? Please, don't feel alone or embarrassed. We can admit our problems together LOL...HOWEVER, since tomorrow is not promised - what can we do today?

#ItsTime

Why I Chose NOT to Do Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationships can be so over rated.....

My first taste of the long distance entree was anything but appetizing. It just did not work for me. I was not receiving what I needed. I often times felt so alone that even when I thought I was in a relationship, half the time I felt awkward saying I was out loud.

It just did not work for me. I tried it because I was in love. And well....love conquers all right? At least it's suppose to. But then what happens when it doesn't?

There is a such thing as truly loving someone who doesn't love you. And no, I do not mean loving a figment of who you think or would dream of that person to be. I mean truly seeing their highs and lows, grimy disfigured flaws and loving it all. That's where I was when I first took part of this weighty, yet unstable business venture I labeled as a long distance relationship.

Love will make you do some crazy..... OUT RIGHT STUPID...things. However....

I felt that I could trust this person who I laid my heart out for. So I took the crazy chance of giving it a shot. I now understand that a key factor in long distance relationships is TRUST. You have to have it before even finalizing the agreement of a long distance relationship. I mean come on, a long distance relationship is like the stock market. You have no control. You really have no logical facts. You just hope and pray that eventually things will work out in your favor.

Honestly, I had not one doubt in my mind that it would not work out. (And to this day, I will never know where that amount of confidence came from lol). I just knew that because I was trustworthy so was my counterpart. It's crazy, its as if I made a comfort zone within my ignorance. Things weren't completely reliable. Communication was almost none existent and well, I was in a relationship with myself really.

Well, once everything hit the fan, feelings were presented on the table like a fine 6-course meal (wine included of course, only the finest, most exquisite crazy) and once I got tired of the roller coaster of what I thought was an okay relationship I finally decided that after this, I was totally done with long distance relationships.

As if my loneliness wasn't enough, I soon learned that a few things were thrown out the window long before I got fed up, like fidelity, honesty, and respect. Y'all, I found out a lot was going on behind my back, while I was praying and believing that God would make a way.  So much that Mahalia never out rightly signed up for. So you bets believe, Mahalia was over the fairy tale of what's labeled as a long distance relationship and I told myself that I wasn't playing that game anymore. The scars hurt too much, my heart was bruised, and my brain was sooooo tired.

Well do you know that God's sense of humor is unlike anyone else's?

Not long after making that vow to myself, I ended up meeting a man after my own heart. Here's the kicker, he was a year after me meaning that once again, I would have to meet the face of the beast once again, a long distance relationship. Everything was so perfect but as the months got closer to me graduating, my fears were trying to graduate with me as well.

I could not do it.

But I loved him.

So what do I do?

Well let me tell you what key thing I have learned thus far. NEVER COMPARE YOUR PAST TO YOUR FUTURE. At least not in a way that is detrimental to what's to come. Learn, yes but compare, don't do that. As my fears crept up during the months leading to December 19th, my Mr. Right also reassured me that we would make it constantly. Something that did not happen with Mr. Wrong lol.

He constantly looked into my eyes, without doubt or fear and told me, "We will be okay. I'm not going anywhere." And honestly, I gained strength and confidence through his strength and confidence.

To be completely honest with you ladies and gents, whether a relationship will work out or not does not depend on the physical distance between two people. In fact, you can be right in the bed next to that person and be further than you know.

I can give you tangible ideas but at the end of the day, if a person loves you, distance will never be an excuse, YALL WILL FIND A WAY TO WORK IT OUT. So please, never allow someone to come to you and say, "long distance relationships never work out". That is a lie, look at a believer's relationship with God. Physically, we couldn't be further away, and yet He shows us new ways that He loves us daily. But He does it because HE loves us and takes the initiative to show us.

The same applies to our relationships here on Earth. If God can love us from Heaven (the ultimate long distance relationship) then we can definitely make it work here on Earth.


When it comes to relationships working out, the responsibility is not on the distance between the two but on the two people and their ability to fight for what's theirs. IF that person is not fighting, then it wasn't theirs to win in the first place. Count it all joy and keep an open heart to what's yours to have, in Jesus Name.

"Three things will last forever --faith, hope, and love -- and the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:13

September 1st ....... #BORN&MADE

As I stated on my Facebook page, I wanted to give a little bit more details regarding this amazing pic! First of all...GIRL POWER! Yes, I so said it! This initiative is a movement and a community of women coming together to uplift one another and to push one another to their highest potential. It is our responsibility to love ourselves and in turn free another sister to love herself. 

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, he always would joke about me being a feminist. Yes! A feminist because I simply don't take stupidity thrown at me especially from those of the opposite sex. I just don't handle it well lol. Many times, we as women have to always be understanding without never being understood. We always have to be empathetic and apologetic for having tough skin, the same tough skin that only developed because of the manifestation of ideas of what a woman should be that surrounded us. 

My mommy taught me to keep God first, be strong and to always love myself. And I can not lie, when I was younger (before puberty & some time after) I would always doubt myself and although I was young and very wet behind the years, I have grown to regret that way of thinking now. 

If I was then who I am now, I probably would have excelled a lot further with my passions and I probably wouldn't be working where I am working, might not have even gone to the college I know and love. Eeeeeh but life happens, and its really no need to regret where you are because you are where you were meant to be ultimately.

For more information check out the website: www.iamthatgirl.com

This picture above represents just that. My struggle in learning who Mahalia truly is.  She is loving & kind and omgee so goofy. She can be extremely determined OR extremely lazy. She tends to go with the directions of her feelings or discernment. She can at times be really mean when she has one of those "oooh my wig too tight" headaches (btw she will rock a wig real quick). She is also learning what it means to truly be celibate with her heart. She is lover but will fight and she loves being transparent. She was once close to 200lbs, she has a bit of a tummy and yet she takes pride in her hourglass shape and full beautiful lips.

I really don't know what direction I was trying to take this post but I do know that we as women have to be able to truly take a look in the mirror and just take everything in with no photoshop. What do you see? I dare you to take a moment and truly just write about who you see when you look in the mirror.  Do you like her? 

We all have pasts that contribute to some of the hardships we struggle with today. But if I let that be an excuse to not search for better then what can I teach my future daughters? How can I be an example of the type of woman my son can date? I couldn't be. If I allowed the demons of my past to overtake me, I would probably be single for the rest of my life. Many people would be surprise by some of the struggles I dealt with in my past but you know what? It made me.

I was born and made with my own customized struggles, but each day I wake up and I have a decision to either be lazy and not make any moves or get up and move forward. Where I came from does not determine who I  am, where I am, or where I am going. I believe that the IAMTHATGIRL Founders definitely know that it is time for a lot of us to take back our strength in a positive way. One of the main things I love about this is that it has entirely nothing to do with race but actually about us! Just us & I love it!  And I am always down for some amazingly beautiful Girl Power talk ;)

Know your worth beautiful. Be a scholar of your God given beauty.

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well" - Psalms 139:14