Monday, April 25, 2016
Monday, April 18, 2016
Why In The World Am I Living For Other People?
I am back with another topic that I deem necessary in my current status of life. I know that it has been a few weeks,,,maybe even months since I've posted another piece to the puzzle of this blog but you know me, if I know that I am not putting my 150% into it then I will NOT post it. Anywho, let us get to the topic at hand shall we?
So I am definitely getting use to the fact of the matter that my life is like a snow globe. As a believer, getting comfortable with your current life (and expecting it to remain that comfortable) is like playing a sick prank on your own self. As believers in Christ, we know that there is a time and a place for everything (just check out Ecclesiastes) and because of that, we know that our constant focus should be on the One who remains constant, Jesus Christ. Otherwise, it would be like us running around trying to catch a unicorn....the Unicorn of The Perfect Life.
My life is constantly changing and slowly but surely, I am becoming more aware and more okay with that lifestyle. But you see lately, my life has been changing a lot in ways of my own doing and frankly, I am so over it.
Prime example, my weekends. What's that???? I haven't a clue. What in the world is a weekend and how do I get one of those???? Yes, the beautiful weekends that those who work Mon - Fri grow to fall in love with. Its such a delicacy where you can stay up late Friday because you know you have Saturday to sleep in. Well my weekends now, have somehow become another Unicorn that, it seems, I am trying to catch now.
Whenever I would tell my mom that all I want to do is just stay home on the weekends, that woman laughs at me, gives me that "girl stop lying" face and instead just says, "Hmmmmm". She doesn't believe me but it's so the truth. Yet somehow, a fresh year filled with opportunity and adventure turns into a overloaded itinerary EVERY SINGLE TIME. I already know, a lot of you would ask:
Please know that living a healthy life requires boundaries and those that truly love you will either understand that or move aside. A balanced life is a healthy life and although life is rarely balanced, aiming towards it can be just as great.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
What My Dad's Death Taught Me
I lost my dad at the age of 12. It was such a weird age to lose a parent simply because usually you are so distracted with puberty that you really don't have time to think about the fact of one of your parents not being able to see you graduate from high school or college. Not being there to teach you how to drive or interrogate the man that you will one day marry. Thoughts like that never cross your mind at 12.
My dad suffered from colon cancer and let me be the first to say, seeing your parent deteriorate slowly in front of you can change your life. I remember visiting my father one day and finally seeing the reality of such a destructive disease. When my dad was healthy he was a huge guy, football player-esq. He was 6'4 and weighed, I am pretty sure, at least 200lbs. And I am pretty sure he is the reason why I love me a nice teddy bear of a man now.
My relationship with my dad, however, got better the sicker he became. With the illness, my dad began to prioritize his life and I believe, started to let go of fears that held him hostage all of his life. My relationship with him was not the easiest and although I loved him with all my heart, and still do, my father was also the reason why I had trust issues with men years after his departure.
I learned a lot from 'Bubba'. I got way more from him than just his looks, I gained perspective. After losing my father, I can definitely say I have valued my mom a lot more. Before he died, I never thought about death. I never imagined life without my parents, because in the the back of my head I guess I just thought that they would always be there. PERIOD. Well that changed March 25th 2004 at 4:00 PM. I remember it like it was yesterday, I was at school when I was called to the front office. When I saw my mom she told me, "Mahalia, we are going to go see your father. Your sisters said he isn't doing well and wants to see all of his daughters."
This was nothing new to me, by this time, I was use to leaving school early because this had happened a few times before. On that overcast of a day, it was quiet and dark. When I got to my sisters house, although I was scared I walked in my father's room and saw him breathing heavily with a breathing machine. It was so weird seeing such a massive man become so submissive to a machine. I knew he knew I was in the room though although I didn't know what to say. I just stared and stood there in the weirdest way.
After being with him for about a few hours my mom and I decided to go home and as soon as we pulled into our driveway one of my sisters called her and told her that he passed away. I stared for a little bit and then when inside the house, sat in my red chair and turned on Full House (a tv show) without saying a word. I did not shed a tear until I saw my daddy in his casket.
To this day, I miss my father like crazy. I miss having the ability to say, "I am going to call daddy." or "I am going to go see my daddy." I hate that he missed a lot of my firsts like my prom, my graduations or my first heartbreak. He won't get a chance to meet the wonderful man that stole my heart either.
But do you know what? God had such a bigger plan for my dad. He needed my dad to grow up in a lot of ways and because God reigns supreme He ultimately knows what it will take for us to get it right so that we can get right with Him before it is too late. With that being said, I see my mom in a whole different light.
I see my mom as not only my mom but as some one who I owe the world to.
