My Latest Mini Splurge - Justfab Goodies

So yes, I felt like it was time to get some new shoes...and oooh look! They finally came in! I love the Justfab website because you get alot of perks for about $40 a month. From shoes to purses it's a great site in my opinion. As always with online shopping it's good to be cautious about sizing. I, personally, don't like the hassle of going back and forth with someone I can't speak to in person so I take my time before clicking 'Send Order'. Although money is a little tight at the moment, it's always good to take out a little time and spend on you. If you are interested in looking up my goodies for your self, the details are below!

Happy Friday lovies!!!

Shoes: Dara 10

Purse: Confection 

Dreamin'

I wish I could tell you that I have this scheduled organized time that I post on my blog.
I totally wish I could.
But I can't lol.

Alot of times, I type in passion. A topic that has been heavy on my mind and heart that I can not wait to regurgitate on here. It's a catch 22 effect really; when I get to the ending of it that means that it will be an utterly amazing piece of work from yours truly. However, if that passion dies before I am able to click the 'Publish' button...well then it is lost in the land of  'Drafts' until reincarnated lol.

So then what shall this blog become?
Dreams.

What are your dreams? What is it that makes your heart start to beat a little faster and your mind raise? I have a few dreams myself, all of which has alot to do with hope. I hope to one day give others hope in their lives. I hope to one day be an example of how GREAT God's love is over our lives. And I also hope to give my own family legs to walk into those dreams that they only imagine at night time after a long "9 to 5".

I believe alot of times, we get so enthralled by the woes of our lives that we tend to think that there is no other reality but the one that we are currently living. It is my hope to one help others understand that although some dreams may be harder to create than others, all of our dreams are possible inside the Will of God.

If you have not already noticed, I am a believer. I believe my strength is only as strong as the God I serve. Right now, I am learning how to really step out on faith to reach those dreams. As of lately, I have been pushed out of my comfort zone....i.e...graduating from college and the change has not been the easiest. However, I am determined to find my own place in this world.

Truth Moment: I don't know where to start but I gotta start somewhere.


Leggo!

Worry About Nothing....PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING!

What's On Mahalia's Pinterest?

Pinterest. Such a sneaky, time consuming, amazing beast! Although I was slow to the Pinterest game originally, once I got with it, I've stayed on it. I love all of the many ways you can gain great ideas and get hit with reality at the same time when your DIY project becomes a NDIYA (never do it yourself again). 

So in total, I have about 27 boards which includes 417 pins and well if I posted every single one then this blog would never end lol. So I will show you my Top 5:

1. THE STYLE Board: With 60 pins, you would think that I must really love being stylish right? Eeeh, I see a lot of cute ideas but rarely do I actually put forth the effort to replicate it. I see so many cute thinks on Pinterest though so I always have this board ready. I mean you never know when you might need a spark of inspiration. ;)

2. The Natural Hair Board: I think every Naturalista has at least one of these boards in her Pinterest account. And if she is like me, when she discovered the many pins on Natural Hair, she was in Natural Hair Heaven! So many co-wash ideas, so many new HOMEMADE conditioners to create. This right here, this right here changed many lives, mines included lol!! 

3. The Food Obsession......yuuuuuuum Board: Soooooo I believe everyone has one of these boards as well. The board that will have everyone in their kitchen reeking havoc on their poor pots and pans and smoothie machines. This is a dangerously delicious board that will either hinder or help you in life...and to make myself feel better, I'd like to think the latter lol.

(Buuutttttt do you see that Brownie...)

4.  The Look Board: Lately I have become obsessed with learning about new lip shades and tones for the different seasons. I also love finding different, yet easy, makeup tips for day to day so this board is pretty amazing. So many ideas that I never thought of . Although my sister is the makeup guru out of us two, I still like having some ammo tucked away for a rainy day...or a fun night out ;)

5. The Dreamy Homey Thoughts.....Board: This board keeps me motivated to one day have my own space. As a college grad, the smartest thing for me was to come back home and get my life together lol. However, in the meantime, I like to every now and then feed my dreams of having my own place with a few pins. I look up little ideas so that when the time comes....which it will.... I will know what I am looking for with no doubts! I am soooo excited!

So you guys, here are just a few boards of my life! Tell me about what you pins...what do you pin your life away about? Do you have any secret boards? Well I know that if you told me they would not be a secret but I can definitely say I have a few ;)

And last but not least, Happy Father's Day! I definitely don't want to overlook that we have some amazing father's in this word, despite the many bitter women who would say otherwise. I think we totally overlook this great holiday for our fellas because of the track record of a few. And if my dad has internet access in Heaven, first, READ MY BLOG DAD!! & HAPPY FATHER'S DAY & I LOVE AND MISS YOU!!

Happy Father's Day & Happy Sunday lovies!

Life After Graduation is New....&Scary!

If I could sit down and be as honest as I would like to be, I feel like some feelings would be hurt. I have grown in so many ways and yet, God is showing all the time, how much growing I still have to do.

Yet my biggest thing, is learning how not to be so comfortable with one set way of thinking now. After attending college, the one thing I have learned is that everyone does not think like me. So much to the point that my view may be seen as completely unconstitutional so someone else. That's just life. However, with that same way of thinking I have grown to really start to appreciate having a mind of my own.

I am in a totally new world now. And I am honestly still getting adjusted to it. I am learning that as an adult in the real world, responsibilities are REAL LIFE lol. There is no such thing as putting things off really because eventually it will all catch up to you. I have also learned that as an adult, how you feel about other people or how you view certain ideas or situations change as well.

I am going through this whole metamorphosis type of change where I kinda of feel like I am learning how to walk all over again. Although it is new and exciting, it is a little scary because just because you are making this grandiose change doesn't mean that those in your circle are ready to make that change.

My wants, needs and desires have all changed. I have gone from thinking about what classes I am going to take to what area I would like to live in or better yet when I would like to start a family? What goals would I like to set for myself before I becoming a mother if it's the Lord's Will? Like things have gotten so real as of lately.

One afternoon, my boyfriend was driving me home. As he was driving, we began to think about life before and after graduation. Because I graduated before him, it has been pretty cool to be able to be the eyes for him on the "other side". I began telling him how different it is now that I am not a student anymore and in the "real world".  We started to create an imaginary list of all the changes and responsibilities that come with accepting that diploma. Although it is a freedom that can not be explained, with freedom comes new responsibilities...

I guess I am still just getting use to it all. I mean on one side it is amazing to be able to have an income, to be able to have a little be more freedom to plan out how I'd like things to go but on the other hand, people now rely on me for IMPORTANT THINGS. If I don't do my part, then someone else will be missing their part. To me, it is a new added pressure.

 I have been out of school for 6 months now and I am still learning more about the "adult Mahalia". I am still learning how to juggle all of my responsibilities (while maintaining a pretty good credit score). Mahalia is learning alot. A lot about herself, a lot about who she hangs with, alot about her relationship with God. So much!

Either way, I intend on blogging it all lol because maybe me trying to sort out my life will help someone else sort theirs. And I am totally okay with that :)


Until next time....God loves you... Soli de Gloria.

Father-Figures, Weight And Confidence...

Growing up in my skin hasn't always been the easiest. Alot of times, as I was growing up, I compared myself a lot to the girls around me. But instead of being negative toward myself, I tried finding the one thing that I had that they didn't. In return, my self esteem just lowered itself all the more.

I had low self esteem. I really don't know or understand where it came from. When I was younger, it was weird for me. I had moments when I was so confident in myself but once my zone of confidence was challenged I ran for cover.

I guess I had this thing about being challenged which I feel like stemmed from my fear of not being good enough. I remember in elementary school, I really craved having my big brother around. During that time he was in the Army, he joined when he was around 17 and well my brother is 14 years older than me. So when he left I was either 6 or 7 at the time. I remember even at that young of an age, craving for male attention. I wanted someone, a man (who truly only wanted what was best for me) to have that loving bond with. I guess because my biological father wasn't present I figured my brother was the next best thing.

Well my brother grow up and grow out. He started a family of my own and for a period of time, I felt hurt. I was hurt because I felt that I was just forgotten about. I felt like I didn't really have enough time to enjoy being the apple of his eye. Wow...I guess I really did nominate my brother for the "Male Role Model Of The Year" Award. As I grew up, I started to understand that my brother had his own life to live and he had the right to love and create his own family. Although he was the main male figure in my life at that point, I had to let him leave the nest with no hard feelings..or pressures for that matter.

Well time progressed, I got older and then I went through my fat phase. I was almost 200lbs..which was big for me. It showed all in my face..I was a size 14. I thought that was my normal at first until I seen a picture of myself and was totally disgusted. I told myself that just could not be my life and by the ending of my senior year in High School, I started my journey towards losing those pounds and learning how to be more comfortable in my own skin. It was not easy but it was soooo worth it.

When college began, originally I was just stuck on getting use to being the only piece of color in my class, or on a bus, or in a bathroom or even in a certain section in the gym. My neighborhood consisted of majority Blacks & Hispanics....so rarely did I encounter diversity. So when I started my new life at Texas A&M University......having Culture Shock was not even the word to use to describe how very uncomfortable I felt. Eventually, I learned how to be confident enough to not worry about the possible stereotypes that could arise due to my color....but I still was very aware that they were there.

When it came to relationships in college, I always knew that I was a catch. I did. I shall not lie lol. I never for once thought that I deserved anything outside of what was the best for me. I told my mom the other day that it was because of how I seen the women in my family struggle with [when it came to relationships] that I was determined to allow God to show my heart who was the right one for me. Not my eyes, not my thoughts, not my ideas, not my expectations but God showing my heart where home was.

Not only that, but even in high school and definitely in college, I thought about my future kids and how I wanted them to have everything that I didn't ---- the true, intimate love of their biological father. So that's what has helped me not settle when it came to the relationship department.

Overall, half the time, I can only say that it was God that kept my mind steady and my confidence high enough to not pay too much attention to the devil's lies. You know, the one tactic that I've used to help fight self esteem is transparency. Just being plain ole honest about what you have to offer, right now - right at this moment. When I started seeing people as humans instead of the position they held, I started to really feel at ease about myself.

Not only seeing people as humans but also seeing people as their passions. Day in and day out we are taught to work hard, that sleepless nights are the ways of successful. We become so absorb by our wanting to be better that we fail to live. I want to live. Yes, I want to be successful but man do I want to live.

My faith in God helps me understand that this world is not meant to be here forever, HOWEVER, God placed this Earth here for us as a gift yet we are the one who change His intentions into something else. So I've come to understand that this life too was meant to be enjoyed, while we are here. Day in and day out I see people mold themselves or attach themselves to temporary things. Well I guess I see things differently. A little different from how I use to see things  3 or 4 years ago.

I desire for my life to be fulfilling. And by fulfilling, I do mean spiritually first simply because your spiritual health will determine how enjoyable your natural life is. And no it is not all about just saying "Jesus" all day. There is so much connected to our spiritual lives....right down to the jobs we go to or our walks to our classes. Life means nothing if it has no meaning.

I desire to have passion. I truly want to live an intentional life, not through the eyes of how others feel my life should be. I want it to be lead by God (because it just feels good to know you have Someone to rely on besides yourself) and I just want to love the life I am living right now.

Confidence comes when you are content where you are, right now, right at this moment. It's so easy to miss life when you are living it through the eyes of someone else. What's your vision? Where are you trying to go? Are you happy? Where does your confidence lie? I know that I am really working hard on focusing on my Walk with Christ more because this change of pace in my life RIGHT NOW.....maaannnn....it's making me rethink & refocus.

Do you need to refocus? It's cool if you do. We all need to do it daily or we will be complacent with where we are. I learned this in college and I am definitely learning this now. My confidence can only manifest when my focus is on Him. That's how it works for me....how does it work for you?


Weeeeeelllllll...I need to hop off of here. There is work that needs to be done. Love you all and ...

#HAPPYHUMPDAY 

Mahalia Explains.....What Does My Relationship with God Really Look Like?

Okay so first thing is first, I know this was suppose to be posted like two nights ago.....yeah I got attacked by sleep. Once that happens, chances are I will not be fully up again until the next day.

That is one thing I have noticed now with my sleeping schedule. late nights are no more. Staying up late to watch things is such a joke now and even trying to plan things late on a Thursday night is hilarious to me now.

Things have so changed in my life in a matter of months...in the heart, body, and mind. But to the topic at hand.

Many people see me on Facebook and I think they automatically assume that I am this walking, talking, Bible toting saint. While to some, that would be seen as a compliment but for me eeehhhh, it seems to be a little bit of a HUGE responsibility that I died on no one's Cross for.

Ever since I was young, like really young, I know God had His eyes on me. And this is not to sound cocky at all because when I was younger I kind of did not like the extra attention. I wanted to be like everyone else - carefree. I wanted to be mischievous and laugh things off and be able to use the excuse of "well I was young & stupid" but God always gave me this extremely, ripe understanding of Him and His teachings in almost every situation.

So where as people at my age wouldn't pay too much attention to what they were doing, me on the other hand because I had a certain understanding of the Word, it was hard for me to be careless about the decisions I made, even at the age of 10.

And now you can see how much of a toll that could be on a young girl. I really wanted to be like everyone else and believe me I have tried but it's like once God opens your understanding about things, its really hard to look over it....at least it was for me.


So after a while, it got to a point for me that I knew that I couldn't really act like I didnt understand where God was placing me. I couldn't just do things without thinking about them, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT CAME TO MY MOTHER!

OMG...that whole text "Honor thy Father & thy Mother" had me bent EVERY SINGLE TIME I thought about doing something that could even put a tear in my mother's eye. Even things counted as small, made me think really hard....and then I lost my dad at the age 12 and more wisdom poured within me. Death became real to me. It matured me in a way because it showed me that the one thing man cannot control is death, therefore because we don't know the day or the hour that a person will pass away, we have to give them their roses while they can smell them.

That's why even when my mother gets on my last nerves, I will never dishonor her. If she needs something I will always stop what I am doing to handle things for her.


BUT BACK TO THIS WHOLE CHRISTIAN TALK, RIGHT???

You guys, my walk as a Christian is not perfect. And it is for that reason, that I am learning how important it is to be able to rely on Someone bigger than I. A lot of the times, the things I post on Facebook is me talking to myself and hoping that it may help someone else.

I know that some people have unfriended me on Facebook because I talk about Jesus a little bit too much. I know I have people on there right now who still are my friends but talk about me and my post.....AND THEN TURN AROUND AND STILL HIT THAT LIKE BUTTON. Oh yeah, I know these types of people still exist as well, however, I just feel like Jesus is way more important than that.

And He is showing me just how important He is because He is allowing me to see my flaws. Especially throughout college. He showed me the real reason why I need His blood to cover my sins. I could get all deep but I will just make it plain - I SUCK! I am a procrastinator, sometimes I can be soooo lazy, I have an attitude that many don't know about because God checks me FIRST,  and fighting sexual temptation has been workshop I have yet to graduate from. In other words, MAHALIA HAS HER OWN SET OF ISSUES.

Now I know there are those who's reading this and are like "how do I know this is worth believing"? "Why would I believe in the first place?" "Where is the proof in this man giving His life for me...what sense does that make?" And I will tell you this.....

Having a relationship with Jesus is not about you, it's about Him and His Kingdom. I am actually learning this now that His Love is not given to us because of us but because of Him...He knows what we need as human beings to survive this harsh world. With everything going on nowadays would you seriously just want to believe that there is no meaning to it? I WOULD GO CRAZY, personally.

I would lose my mind if I believed that, death...rapes, molestation, fear, heartache, pain. disease...all this horrible stuff had not one meaning. Not only that but many times, God will make Himself real in your situation. NOT MINE, BUT YOURS :)

Ever had those moments happen, when things just went so right in a wrong situation? I mean so right that it went way past the level of "chance" but it worked out perfectly? Everyone has had those moments, and if you haven't then man oh man... just wait on it.

To put it simply, that was God.

And I am learning how to take one day at a time, admit my flaws and also how to take God's Hands and guide me through the way. Honestly, alot of the fight is within myself because it's like once you stand in the mirror and you truly look at that reflection of yourself, it can be one of the hugest wake up calls you could ever get.

What happens when your reflection of yourself looks nothing like what you thought?

I have been trying to answer that daily. Along with that question is the question of "What kind of Christian am I?" To be honest, I am constantly finding that out. I wish I had this wise quote or saying to make you back up from your computer and think but I don't.

I am still figuring me out.

Many times people are so stuck with trying to have the answer instantly that they miss the whole purpose of the process. I just don't want to miss that process y'all. Miss that process trying to be perfect for the critiques of others. We all fall short of His glory.

Guess I can finally conclude this blog on this rainy night....more to come laterz!

God loves you and so do I!

Life Goals

I really should be asleep right now. My job requires a lot of daily brain power...busy all the time BUT I LOVE IT!

Thank you for taking out time to read my blog btw. I know now a days people rarely even like to read **guilty** so thank you for the sacrifice.

Anyways, this is just a random post. I still plan on blogging about my weight lost journey as well as other things so that should be surfacing pretty soon (be on the look out).

So I was thinking about my life goals and what I really want to accomplish. All through college, everyone expects you to have the answers... "what do you plan on doing?" "Do you have a job lined up?" "What's your 5 or 10 year plan?"

Like I understand that it is good to have intentions with your life but as a believer, our lives are based up God's plans for us. So you can see how answering those questions may seem a little farfetched.

So from my freshman year, would I have imagined that I have the job I have now? Not at all. I shall go into my job and how God blessed that to be later but I can say that I never planned to even go in the direction I am now in.

At 18, I imagined that by 22, I'd have my degree and I would be in grad school with a beau about to be married. (YES, I was one of those...fairytales & pixy dust) Well I do have my degree, I am with someone who I know (if God says the same) will change my last name but my thoughts on grad school changed so much by the ending of my sophomore year.

By the time I graduated, I was sooooo OVER adult education because I learned that a key factor is:

PASSION

Man, when I tell you, life was miserable for me in a lot of my classes because I had no true motivation or passion. You either have to have a passion for learning in general or a passion to accomplish a specific achievement with your degree.

My only passion was opening doors for those in my life who felt that even reaching the handle was too far. So when I did graduate it was a huge blessing for multiple reasons.

To me, just finishing was enough to motivate to keep pushing forward, despite the struggles I might have to go to just to reach the finish line. I don't know....it's like once you see that you were put here to do more than the ordinary, it motivates you to keep making it. Even when things look soooo unlikely.

I do of course still want a family. I still feel like for my life, my biggest and most fulfilling accomplishment will be becoming a mother and giving my family the things that I didn't have. No shade towards my mother though, she did an awesome job with what she had, whether people were in her life or not.

She taught me how to be strong, and more importantly, how to be strong in Christ. 

My life was meant to be more than just the regular. Purpose. We all have it. Yet many of us wait years to tap into it. I don't want to abuse the time God has for me. Wisdom. I desire to be wise with my time here. Does that make me weird?

Does it make me weird that my mind is constantly thinking about where God is taking me? Guess that makes me peculiar. I can careless about the temporary things that is just as fleeting as our lives themselves.

Waste. Is what a life is when we allow ourselves to be distracted by things that have as much power of its mortality as I do over my own. 

What are my life goals? I intend on seeing life through the eyes of Christ because that is how I can live life in its fullest. And that may age me (old soul indeed), but man when I pass, what will someone say about my life?

I hope it motivates them to find themselves in Christ. To discover His love for them and to really dive into a true, authentic, worthwhile life of gratitude and accomplishment. I do plan on checking other Earthly things off my list, but man,  what's the point of them if they have no purpose in our lives. Then we are just wasting our time.

PURPOSE.

FINDING IT IS MY LIFE GOAL.

Deep I know, but sooo worth it. And you guys will hear all about it through my blog ;) lol

Stay Tuned lovies <3