Part 1:...The Search

Job Hunting....

While I really don't want to trip out about not having one, things began to get so real earlier today while I mind was suppose to be distracted by retail therapy. I STILL HAVE BILLS TO PAY! It's amazing how all of a sudden things just start to show up, ideas of the future..things that seemed so far away is NOW.


Yet and still my faith tugs on the strings of my mind and tell me to chill out, reminds me of Who I belong to and tells me to keep applying...the right job will come along soon.

Tuesday NiteCap: Finding Joy in the Hallway...

Song of the Moment: Trading My Sorrows (Israel & New Breed)
Message: Joy is here, SO WAKE UP!! :)

Life can be so unexpected. All the planning in the world can sometimes never have you prepared enough to handle some of the things that happen in our lives. A lot of the time it is during these times in our lives that we find ourselves in the hallways of life.

You know what I mean....

You aren't where you were but you definitely aren't where you are suppose to be. So while you are in this waiting place your mind is going 100mph. You are trying to figure out what happened, why are you where you are, and what could you have done differently. Life is crazy amazing in the case that, all of our decisions somehow connect with where we are right now.

As for me...

I haven't had the easiest college experience. A lot of the time, it was me trying to discover myself that made things so much more difficult. I am a psych student. So people would assume that I analyze others, no hunnies, I analyze myself. Which can be sooooooooo annoying. The thing is, I am the type of person that is honest with herself, when I know I can do better, I expect better from myself..even if I am not mentally or spiritually mature enough yet. This is sometimes a great thing, other times it's just personal abuse. So God has been showing me, that I am not as independent as my expectations expect me to be. So I am personally still coping with all this realness He is throwing at me. I am just so glad that He is constantly reassuring me that He has my back, even when I don't have my own.

I say all that to say this. Sometimes we need those hallways in life. Not to realize some life altering change but to simply realize that God still loves us, even in our unsure moments. His love. Those hallways come along right at those moments when we get too excited about which door to enter into next. Those hallways are meant to remind us that before our journeys even begun, in between the ones that have already occurred, God was still there and will always remain. Those random moments in the hallway can give you so much joy and strength if you use them right! I promise ;)

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." - James 1: 2-3

 Happy Tuesday Night!

Fear...

One thing I have learned about my quest of conquering fear is that my fear is just about as scared of me overcoming it as I am of it overcoming me. When I was younger, I use to be scared of almost everything. Scared of people, simply because I couldn't predict how they would react to me. The thing is, I would be totally pissed if someone would call me out on it. I was a scary little girl with a lot of pride that checked me and made me do the things I didn't want to because I was determined to not be viewed as weak. Well as I got older, God allowed things to be uncovered, He started showing the sides of me that I was trying to hide. 

So with all that I came to the question, what's wrong with having fears? Even in my psychology classes we learn that fear is actually a survival tactic that human and animals use to protect themselves in dangerous situations. When used responsibly it can help us learn more about who we are. As I get older now, I am learning so much about my self....learning how to redefine my fears instead of letting them defining me. The simplest first move is simply acknowledging it and understanding that we all have fears, some just hide it better than others.

Fear can either make or break us. It can either build us or tear us down. It can either resemble I trust in Christ or resemble our trust in our selves.

"Because we have these promises, dear friends, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that can defile our body or spirit. And let us work toward complete holiness because we fear (respect) God." - 2 Corinthians 7:1

Happy Tuesday!!!!

Questioning Grace...

Sounds silly right? To question help...to question a 2nd...3rd..or 4th chance? God has just shown me how much I do that...I MEAN ALOT. What am I talking about you may ask? Well, it's those random moments when I know I have not been the best daughter to Him...haven't been the best Christian, probably just have sinned (knowingly) and then out of no where...He showers His mighty love and grace all over me. And see me, I get confused, relieved, but oh so confused. WHY ME?? I would ask. Why would You love me enough to forgive me when You already knew what I was going to do anyways?  It just shows how mighty God is. How big His heart is...

" God saved you by grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this, it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it." - Ephesians 2:8-9

Faith has a lot to do with grace. I am so learning that. Faith is the life line to Salvation, the life line to hope, the life line to a promising life in a fading world. Faith keeps us going. Whether we know it or not.

So the next time God blesses you with a blessing you can't figure out. Don't question it, don't ponder on it. Just say thank you. Just be humble. It's a process for me though, so I'm taking this lesson in as well. Sometimes all we need to do is say 'Thank You Lord' with a pure heart.

A lot of OLD Stuff....

So originally I was on Tumblr...but I wasn't feeling Tumblr as much as I did when I first started using it so I am just transferring a lot of my old stuff to their new home.


Check it out!!!

Old Post: HDLvid|Why So Awkward????

Old Post:HDLvid|WhatsYourNiche

Old Post: To Gain Something You've Never Had...You Have to Do Something You've Never Done

Many of us have been in bad relationships. Whether it is with a significant other, a friend or a family member…we’ve all experienced a time where we were vulnerable and someone took that for granted.

…and then you meet someone who only wants to love you. So now what? I’ve been primed to a certain extent to expect the worst. Personally, my life motto has been “hope for the best but expect the worst”. This logic completely perfect for those who plan on being forever alone…but for those who choose not to be a wall flower, there is certainly a fallacy in this way of thinking.

So what do you do? God finally gives you everything that you’ve prayed about while your were in your worst and you’re not even emotionally prepared. Sometimes we think we are because we are so use to going through hell and high water, having to over analyze EVERYTHING, having to learn how to protect your heart. I mean you basically had to rebuild walls around the soft parts of your inner self so that you won’t be so susceptible to the darts and daggers that were constantly being thrown.

I believe that sometimes people are so use to seeing this world go downhill that they forget how fragile the heart and spirit is. So again, what do you do when you finally have something you’ve never been prepared to have?

You pray about it (we all need the strength)

You take a deep breathe.

And you take a chance.

Those who are worth changing for should have the option of experiencing someone who will give them a totally new beginning. Besides that, life is so much better when you think with a renewed mind! I think that it is completely crazy to expect this memorizing life while you remain a debby downer. So cheer up!! Smile, and expect greater. Expect positive things, learn from the mistakes and wrong choices, keep the lessons and dump the baggage.

Life begins with a renewed, made up mind.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

Old Post: Finishing What You Started...

So often we start things and never finish. And yet we question God about why doors aren’t opening for us. Idk, maybe God takes offense to the fact that He created something so complex, so beautiful, so great….and we so often let it all go to waste. We use excuses like “our past”….”our situations” as reasons to not do our best. The craziest yet realest thing is that we have the option to be great. All of us do. Yet we let our lives, people in our lives, our fears, our greed, our enemies…get in the way of what we are destined to become. And it all starts with just finishing what we start. What have you quit on lately? I dare you to finish it and see where God will take you.

Old Post: Remembering Who I Was Before I Got That Note...

I’m in a relationship. Just to put that out there and I love it. Let me first say that my man is awesome. No backsies, he’s all mine. No trade or refunds. Thing is that I was someone before we became an item. Before the many car rides to Walmart and the hundreds of lovable hugs I was quite cool with just being me by myself. Some may call it being independent but I just call it being content in my own lane.

There were moments where I wanted to be a someone’s lady of course. When I craved companionship, however in my many single moments before I met my boo, God had been working on me hard. I think it was God’s mission to make me as comfortable being single as possible. And I hated it at first. It was not something I preferred because I do believe I was made to be a girlfriend lol. I’m the relationship type. So where I am now really blows my mind. 

Anyways, God started working on me hard. It was as if I paid good money for an expensive, self help workshop. The summer of 2012 really was hard work for me. I remember the many nights of praying, of focusing on what God wanted me to do with all my free single time lol. 

Detox

The first few weeks were like detox. I call it detox because I had to detox myself of a certain way of thinking. I wanted to be content within my singlehood, however I still craved being a girlfriend. One thing God explained to me is that the art of contentment means the art of enjoying moments. So often we miss great moments in our lives because we are too busy hoping for the next moments. STOP MISSING MOMENTS! That was such a huge discovery for me. Like that changed how I viewed singlehood even two years later.

Love Yourself

The final thing that was revealed to me was the fact that I need to truly love myself. I said that I did but so often I didn’t show myself the love that I demanded from potential boyfriends. How can I ask to be loved if I don’t even fully know how to love myself? How do I even know what to expect from the right guy? Loving yourself is so crucial. What I found is that when you love yourself you began to kill goals as well.

Goal Killa’

So after all that self discovery, God started putting me into action. He started showing me that I need to start being more enthusiastic in my purpose. Where He is trying to take me. All of a sudden I started working out daily, I started reading my Bible alot more. I even started getting more compliments simply because I started to compliment myself. Now I don’t mean literally, I mean I started to find interest in those things that defined me outside of being in a relationship. And bam, Mahalia was revived!!

Fast forward to now…

I need to get back to that. I believe God has me with a wonderful man for a reason. I love where I am but my main thing in typing all this is to say, I never desire to forget who I became as a woman before I met my Mr. Right. I love all that she is and all that she is purposed to become. I never want to take her forgranted and I never want to miss out on a moment to make her be 10x more bomb than she is now ;)

God is great.

Ever showing, ever loving.

Love,

Memoirs of A Graduate

So Much To Think About...So Little Time.

Procrastination is the devil....

I say that with confidence because of the fact that I have been dealing with that my entire time in college. And of course, people get real with me...they tell me I need to improve....I plan mentally to change my life like never before...I am going to be so on time, I am going to be on time for my own death (I know that was a bit morbid)...and then what happens? I finish a few assignments a head of time but give me a few days...may be even a few hours..and I will be right back to square one.

Like I said procrastination is the devil  or at least the step cousin...but somehow, some way..God is making it possible for me to keep moving forward, despite my repetitive flaws.
I am so grateful that He loves me even in my screw ups.


I have a total of 3 writing assignments that are in my way of graduation. ..leggo!