I’m in a relationship. Just to put that out there and I love it. Let me first say that my man is awesome. No backsies, he’s all mine. No trade or refunds. Thing is that I was someone before we became an item. Before the many car rides to Walmart and the hundreds of lovable hugs I was quite cool with just being me by myself. Some may call it being independent but I just call it being content in my own lane.
There were moments where I wanted to be a someone’s lady of course. When I craved companionship, however in my many single moments before I met my boo, God had been working on me hard. I think it was God’s mission to make me as comfortable being single as possible. And I hated it at first. It was not something I preferred because I do believe I was made to be a girlfriend lol. I’m the relationship type. So where I am now really blows my mind.
Anyways, God started working on me hard. It was as if I paid good money for an expensive, self help workshop. The summer of 2012 really was hard work for me. I remember the many nights of praying, of focusing on what God wanted me to do with all my free single time lol.
Detox
The first few weeks were like detox. I call it detox because I had to detox myself of a certain way of thinking. I wanted to be content within my singlehood, however I still craved being a girlfriend. One thing God explained to me is that the art of contentment means the art of enjoying moments. So often we miss great moments in our lives because we are too busy hoping for the next moments. STOP MISSING MOMENTS! That was such a huge discovery for me. Like that changed how I viewed singlehood even two years later.
Love Yourself
The final thing that was revealed to me was the fact that I need to truly love myself. I said that I did but so often I didn’t show myself the love that I demanded from potential boyfriends. How can I ask to be loved if I don’t even fully know how to love myself? How do I even know what to expect from the right guy? Loving yourself is so crucial. What I found is that when you love yourself you began to kill goals as well.
Goal Killa’
So after all that self discovery, God started putting me into action. He started showing me that I need to start being more enthusiastic in my purpose. Where He is trying to take me. All of a sudden I started working out daily, I started reading my Bible alot more. I even started getting more compliments simply because I started to compliment myself. Now I don’t mean literally, I mean I started to find interest in those things that defined me outside of being in a relationship. And bam, Mahalia was revived!!
Fast forward to now…
I need to get back to that. I believe God has me with a wonderful man for a reason. I love where I am but my main thing in typing all this is to say, I never desire to forget who I became as a woman before I met my Mr. Right. I love all that she is and all that she is purposed to become. I never want to take her forgranted and I never want to miss out on a moment to make her be 10x more bomb than she is now ;)
God is great.
Ever showing, ever loving.
Love,
Memoirs of A Graduate
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