Giving Too Much of Myself

Am I giving too much of myself?

I have often been asking myself this question. It's actually been a reoccuring question in my life as of lately.

What type of person am I?

I love to see people have joy. Some may call this being a people pleaser but it runs deeper than just that for me. I enjoy showing Christ's love through my actions. I know I can't be everywhere at once and that is never my M.O. But what I do enjoy is showing those around me that Christ is real by showing His love because oh so often now a days we just don't see it. 

However, what is so discouraging is the fact that people tend to get so attached to that love, those actions that they completely miss the fact that I am human as well. I get tired. I get overwhelmed and I only get 24hrs in a day like everyone else. Yet I can't help but feel those disappointing vibes being thrown my way when I slip up.

I want to be who God desires me to be. I want to express His love freely and I am learning how to experience what He means when it comes to "showing His love" to others. The main thing He is showing me is how important it is to have boundaries around my peace and well, not too many people like that. 

It's funny, it is as if the more He opens my heart, the more He disciplines my soul that directs it. He is showing me that Mahalia can't be everything to everyone but she can be who He desires her to be for whom He desires. So that means change is required and man has it been happening. 

My circle of friends are even different and as I experience that new part in my life I notice I am even at peace about that. I use to be concerned about "what if others don't see my genuine intentions as a friend?" I worried so much about how others perceived me and although that's not all bad:

A good name is more desirable than great riches;

    to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. - Proverbs 22:1

It should only be important if God places it in my heart, not because of fear. I've allowed fear to control my life since I can remember. I've allowed the urgency to seek acceptance from others around me, control me and my thoughts. I am so over it.

My love for God is how and why I give so much of myself and unfortunately, many people seem to misconstrue my love for Him as my love of acceptance from them. Now don't get me wrong, it has taken me a long time to speak with so much confidence. I have dealt with many things to get me to this point but my biggest portion comes from the strength I gain from my Heavenly Father.

And I know that if I am allowing Him to lead me, then yes, I will give a lot of myself but that also means He is pouring a lot of Himself into me, if I allow Him.