#PP2016 #30 ||| Top 5 Reasons Why I Am Over Sewins!

Bucketlist #1 - Discipline /// Getting Back Fit

So I have been going through this weird workshop where God has been forcing me to really "adult" and pay attention to things I need to work on within myself.

With Discipline being the main facet He is bringing to my attention, taking care of my body, my temple, has really been chasing after me. With every extra cookie I eat, with every ounce of water I don't drink...there is a little voice in the back of my head saying..."Girl....you getting big."

Which I have.....

During the conclusion of my undergrad, I lost a lot of weight & inches. I was alot more fit than I am now and it definitely shows in the wrong places, including my face. I am known to get the infamous pie face if I eat one too many sweet things.....sigh.

This is me.....or at least how I feel lol

As I take a deeper look into my whole "Getting my sexy back" era, I began to feel uneasy because me cutting down on my eating portions and exercising more wasn't due to me taking charge of having a healthier lifestyle. Nope, my reason was a lot more surface level than that. I just had a fear of being big again.

Although I won't go into my "bigums" story again (check out my blog: Father Figures, Weight, & Confidence). But yes, I have a big girl story that changed my life and from then on, I made somewhat of a silent promise to myself that I would never allow myself to get that big again.

This may seem like a great way to think, right? Somewhat of a motivation? Well the only downside to this kind of motivation is that, if the fear isn't present then I am not assertive and lately....that fear has not been a focal point in my day to day.

So here's the kicker, I go to get an ID made and I look at my picture (this is with my glasses off) and I see the infamous pie face that I despise oh so much...it was a mess! As I squinted my eyes, I saw all of the extra cookies during my lunch at work, all of the extra apple pies I get from Whataburger, all of the gummy worms and whatever else saying 'Hello' to me on the computer screen.  #RealityBitesBack


The crazy thing about that moment is, as soon as the fear came, it disappeared. as I stared at the adult Mahalia. It was as if I came to the realization that I am an adult now and although I hate having a pie face, there are different factors that contribute to who I am now, in comparison to who I was when I was in college. It was a peaceful, calming thought.

HOWEVER..........

I am still not down with the whole pie face game, it's not what I prefer. So I know that I need to do something about it. After having that moment of acceptance, I learned that fear is just no longer a motivation for me to become fit. I have to become fit because I desire to. It has to be a lifestyle, not a weight lost challenge. My motivation has to simply be focused on, loving my temple enough to take care of her. I see it as a way of worship also. A way of thanking God for what He has provided me with, being humble and gracious of HIS Grace upon me.


So that's where I am you guys and I will definitely keep you posted during this experience!

Until next time ;)

Bucketlist #1 - Discipline

Hebrews 12 really struck a nerve for me. As I have been adulting this thing called life, I have started to notice the things I need to work on as a woman in Christ and rarely has it been easy. Lately, God has been pointing out how much discipline I lack in almost ever aspect of my life. And let me tell you, blow after blow after blow has been a little unnerving, unsettling and to make it plain for the saints, its been disappointing. 

So after seeing this scripture on my Bible app, I knew that I had to stop running from what God was trying to show me.

One thing I can say I have struggled with is not allowing my emotions to change my plans. Its not good for friendships, the corporate world or even my own personal life. Many times, I would plan to do something and then almost as quickly as the weather changes, so would my mood and everything that I had previously planned. So what would happen next?.....well you guessed it...NOTHING BUT A BALL OF LAZINESS.

IT is so sad  but I have to be honest with myself. I guess it would ultimately depend on how much of a priority it truly is with me. When I know that someone is truly counting on me to deliver, I do it with a quickness, however, if at all I may seem to have a little wiggle room to change my mind - by George you better believe I most likely will. So you know after doing committing to this bad habit for definitely my entire college career once it enters into a new fascade of your life it just becomes draining. 

I want people to rely on me, to be able to count on me and not just look at me and think  I am a gaping black hole of slothfulness and unreliability. So with prayer and determination, I plan to allow God to mold all that is me into who I need to be, starting with Discipline. Not sure if that will be going to bed a specific time everyday, going to workout on a weekly bases or just reading my Scriptcha' daily. 

Its time to grow spiritually and the only way to do that is by accepting my flaws, calling them bad boys out on the floor and allowing God to lead them out of my life instead of allowing them to lead my life.

I'll keep you updated ;)                                                                    

  

#PressPlay2016 #29 || People Pleasing,,, Peace,,,,,Purpose

#PressPlay2016 #27 || Pray for my Patience!!

The Bucketlist || Discovering New Joys In My Life

Ever been in a place in your life where you want to do something amazing and out of the ordinary? I think I am at that point now.

Sometimes, after going through the same things or types of things again and again....you are ready for a change.

I am at a point in my life where I need to endure a personal change, a change that requires me to change the way I usually envision my daily life. Sometimes I feel that I missed my chance in college. College is usually the time that young adults try everything in the book before we officially began the adulting process...it's kind of like going through puberty all of over again except instead of getting a period every month I just get bills.

Anyways, life for me has been so weird lately. Everything has been changing in my life and most of it seems to be out of my control. From relationships to personal endeavours, I feel like I have been embedding my life so much into everything but discovering the joy that the Lord has creatively created in my life.

I am ready for a change to say the least but it's not the type of change that I usually look forward to. I say that because I am such a Starter. Starter - I create different ideas, I start off with tons of amazing ideas with no earthly idea of how I will go about it. So then my "Starter project" is left open ended and I am left looking unreliable and unmotivated.

As a now 24 year old, my desires have changed alot since first leaving college, I desire to have true joy in my life. Now as a "Starter" this sounds like another project is about to peak it's head around the corner. The biggest thing is that I want to value where God has me right now.

I desire joy!

Creating a reasonable bucketlist is something I have always wanted to do but never had because I simply couldn't see anything truly coming to past. But since I am in this place awkward place in my life...why not?

I will keep you all posted ;)

Mahalia Is Out of Service...

Mahalia is dealing with her own issues okay? Not in some crazy, I am going to lose my mind way but in a way that I need to really focus and prioritize the "Grown Mahalia".

I am in such a new place in my adulting life but I am learning that there are many things that the new Mahalia just don't agree with that the old Mahalia clearly does. Especially when it comes to the relationships in my life.

I desire to love wholeheartedly, to love Christ's ppl as He loves the Church but I feel like to get to that point, I  need to shed some dead skin. I need to let go of some old ways of thinking. I need to let Mahalia fully grow up.What I am noticing is that, as the new "Adult version" of Mahalia comes into full bloom some decisions she is attempting to make doesn't fully make sense because the old, premature Mahalia still wants to play.

And see that's the problem....

Both versions can't coexist. It's impossible. In fact, when both try to move in together, it just ends up being plain, old, annoying, unproductive, confusing destruction.

So you see, I need to shed this dead skin. It is imperative that I loosen myself from old, childish habits. Many of these habits are insecurities, unresolved weaknesses that I have dealt with since being a child. Insecurities that made me question any ounce of God given talent I had. For example, in dance class I was so worried about what others thought that I literally overthought every move and couldn't remember a darn move, In choir, although in my head I could see myself effortlessly blowing crowds away with my strong, yet untamed voice, however, I lost my voice completely and lost my breath, momentum and confidence.

Mahalia just needs to deal with Mahalia and world I am so sorry if that means that I may be out of service temporarily. I apologize in advance if that means that she isn't as "supportive" as she always has been. I apologize if her temporary hiatus means that she has morphed into a "bad friend". I apologize if she removes herself from friendships that only drains her. I apologize in advance, for her deciding that her worth is more important than any relationship status. I so apologize that she knew what she deserved and finally accepted when she wasn't receiving that. I apologize for her coming off as unbothered or unconcerned during this period.

I do apologize. I apologize if this doesn't make sense but Mahalia needs to deal with Mahalia before she can deal with anyone else.

It's time for Mahalia to experience this new side of life that God has in store for her WITHOUT THE INSECURITIES!!!

I'm trying to be liked during this period of my life, I'm trying to be WHOLE.