That is one thing I have noticed now with my sleeping schedule. late nights are no more. Staying up late to watch things is such a joke now and even trying to plan things late on a Thursday night is hilarious to me now.
Things have so changed in my life in a matter of months...in the heart, body, and mind. But to the topic at hand.
Many people see me on Facebook and I think they automatically assume that I am this walking, talking, Bible toting saint. While to some, that would be seen as a compliment but for me eeehhhh, it seems to be a little bit of a HUGE responsibility that I died on no one's Cross for.
Ever since I was young, like really young, I know God had His eyes on me. And this is not to sound cocky at all because when I was younger I kind of did not like the extra attention. I wanted to be like everyone else - carefree. I wanted to be mischievous and laugh things off and be able to use the excuse of "well I was young & stupid" but God always gave me this extremely, ripe understanding of Him and His teachings in almost every situation.
So where as people at my age wouldn't pay too much attention to what they were doing, me on the other hand because I had a certain understanding of the Word, it was hard for me to be careless about the decisions I made, even at the age of 10.
And now you can see how much of a toll that could be on a young girl. I really wanted to be like everyone else and believe me I have tried but it's like once God opens your understanding about things, its really hard to look over it....at least it was for me.
So after a while, it got to a point for me that I knew that I couldn't really act like I didnt understand where God was placing me. I couldn't just do things without thinking about them, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT CAME TO MY MOTHER!
OMG...that whole text "Honor thy Father & thy Mother" had me bent EVERY SINGLE TIME I thought about doing something that could even put a tear in my mother's eye. Even things counted as small, made me think really hard....and then I lost my dad at the age 12 and more wisdom poured within me. Death became real to me. It matured me in a way because it showed me that the one thing man cannot control is death, therefore because we don't know the day or the hour that a person will pass away, we have to give them their roses while they can smell them.
That's why even when my mother gets on my last nerves, I will never dishonor her. If she needs something I will always stop what I am doing to handle things for her.
BUT BACK TO THIS WHOLE CHRISTIAN TALK, RIGHT???
You guys, my walk as a Christian is not perfect. And it is for that reason, that I am learning how important it is to be able to rely on Someone bigger than I. A lot of the times, the things I post on Facebook is me talking to myself and hoping that it may help someone else.
I know that some people have unfriended me on Facebook because I talk about Jesus a little bit too much. I know I have people on there right now who still are my friends but talk about me and my post.....AND THEN TURN AROUND AND STILL HIT THAT LIKE BUTTON. Oh yeah, I know these types of people still exist as well, however, I just feel like Jesus is way more important than that.
And He is showing me just how important He is because He is allowing me to see my flaws. Especially throughout college. He showed me the real reason why I need His blood to cover my sins. I could get all deep but I will just make it plain - I SUCK! I am a procrastinator, sometimes I can be soooo lazy, I have an attitude that many don't know about because God checks me FIRST, and fighting sexual temptation has been workshop I have yet to graduate from. In other words, MAHALIA HAS HER OWN SET OF ISSUES.
Now I know there are those who's reading this and are like "how do I know this is worth believing"? "Why would I believe in the first place?" "Where is the proof in this man giving His life for me...what sense does that make?" And I will tell you this.....
Having a relationship with Jesus is not about you, it's about Him and His Kingdom. I am actually learning this now that His Love is not given to us because of us but because of Him...He knows what we need as human beings to survive this harsh world. With everything going on nowadays would you seriously just want to believe that there is no meaning to it? I WOULD GO CRAZY, personally.
I would lose my mind if I believed that, death...rapes, molestation, fear, heartache, pain. disease...all this horrible stuff had not one meaning. Not only that but many times, God will make Himself real in your situation. NOT MINE, BUT YOURS :)
Ever had those moments happen, when things just went so right in a wrong situation? I mean so right that it went way past the level of "chance" but it worked out perfectly? Everyone has had those moments, and if you haven't then man oh man... just wait on it.
To put it simply, that was God.
And I am learning how to take one day at a time, admit my flaws and also how to take God's Hands and guide me through the way. Honestly, alot of the fight is within myself because it's like once you stand in the mirror and you truly look at that reflection of yourself, it can be one of the hugest wake up calls you could ever get.
What happens when your reflection of yourself looks nothing like what you thought?
I have been trying to answer that daily. Along with that question is the question of "What kind of Christian am I?" To be honest, I am constantly finding that out. I wish I had this wise quote or saying to make you back up from your computer and think but I don't.
I am still figuring me out.
Many times people are so stuck with trying to have the answer instantly that they miss the whole purpose of the process. I just don't want to miss that process y'all. Miss that process trying to be perfect for the critiques of others. We all fall short of His glory.
Guess I can finally conclude this blog on this rainy night....more to come laterz!
God loves you and so do I!
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