I Am Such A Liar...To Myself :(

This really wasn't meant to be a long blog post but I have to spill the beans on myself.

I am a liar. Not like a compulsive liar, but one of those liars who says she is going to do this and that and then get distracted by other things in life and never finish what she started in the first place. When it comes to goals, I let myself down alot more than I let others down because I know the achievements I want to accomplish and often times I let life happen and lies happen to myself as well.

It is truly a bad habit and if I can't be honest with myself (or my lovely readers) who can I be honest with? I've been this way since I could remember. Even in college, I lost motivation many of times because I just allowed myself to get distracted by other things.

I sucked at staying focused. There have been countless of times where I have started things in my life...great ideas btw...but still unfinished. So who's to say that my life would have been going in a different direction had I stayed the coarse and remained focused?

Trust me when I say, we all have our flaws. I believe that mines definitely have alot to do with just sticking to my guns, and not allowing anything to distract me from my goals. They say (whoever "they" are) the first step to letting go of an addiction is admitting you have a problem soooooo here we go.......

I Get DISTRACTED 

EASILY.......

Maybe by me actually taking a chance with my pride & ego and actually saying it out loud it will actually help me pull up my big girl pants and really move forward in my goals. It's all a work in progress....

A few things I have learned so far about myself is that, I AM THE REASON FOR ME BEING WHERE I AM. YES, I pray. YES, I aim to keep God in all of my decisions. YES, I stay having goals and aspirations but as it says in the Bible -  "Faith WITHOUT Works Is DEAD" (James 2:17). This basically means that Mahalia cannot just pray that the Lord sees her through without taking steps in faith towards that direction. I have to invest! And honestly, I have struggled for a long time with really staying the coarse. Not because I didn't believe I couldn't do it but because I can just be plain old lazy.

Sometimes I think that when I was younger, my low self esteem catered to my laziness. You know that way of thinking like, "well I can't do this anyways...so why even try. Might as well stop while I am ahead." Sometimes we allow ourselves to murder our own potential and futures by simply speaking death and negativity over our own lives. 

I mean, WHO NEEDS HATERS ANYWAYS WHEN YOU HAVE YOURSELF, RIGHT?

Self esteem is so essential to our futures and maybe if I didn't think so lowly of myself I would have been on stage right now instead of behind a desk. My life would probably have very well gone in a different directions but the great thing is that even with our slip ups, God has a Plan B, C, D....... and Z if we allow Him to have His Way in our lives. 

At this moment, I have a $300 piano sitting on my desk that I have turned on only to allow my nephew to play on. The amazing thing is that, when I prayed to God to provide me with avenues to polish my talents in what I am passionate for, He almost instantly opens a door for that to happen (as He did with this piano). Now, the next move is up to me. Will I take initiative to learn how to play it or will I let it collect dust? Will I continue to post on this blog, regardless of how many views I get or will I give up? Will I keep going hard for better quality of footage for my YouTube page or will I get distracted and give up?

We all have choices to make, in the words of my middle school math teacher, Mr. Hughes. We all have choices no matter what. That is the perk of having Free Will in this life but what will you choose?

I can not say that I will become Mozart on that piano tomorrow but what I can say is that I am in the way of my own success and admitting it to you all is a start but it's that step after admitting the problem that really matters. And I am so tired of lying to myself....Mahalia girl, it is time to change things up or stay chasing opportunities.

What opportunities are you steady chasing? Please, don't feel alone or embarrassed. We can admit our problems together LOL...HOWEVER, since tomorrow is not promised - what can we do today?

#ItsTime

Why I Chose NOT to Do Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationships can be so over rated.....

My first taste of the long distance entree was anything but appetizing. It just did not work for me. I was not receiving what I needed. I often times felt so alone that even when I thought I was in a relationship, half the time I felt awkward saying I was out loud.

It just did not work for me. I tried it because I was in love. And well....love conquers all right? At least it's suppose to. But then what happens when it doesn't?

There is a such thing as truly loving someone who doesn't love you. And no, I do not mean loving a figment of who you think or would dream of that person to be. I mean truly seeing their highs and lows, grimy disfigured flaws and loving it all. That's where I was when I first took part of this weighty, yet unstable business venture I labeled as a long distance relationship.

Love will make you do some crazy..... OUT RIGHT STUPID...things. However....

I felt that I could trust this person who I laid my heart out for. So I took the crazy chance of giving it a shot. I now understand that a key factor in long distance relationships is TRUST. You have to have it before even finalizing the agreement of a long distance relationship. I mean come on, a long distance relationship is like the stock market. You have no control. You really have no logical facts. You just hope and pray that eventually things will work out in your favor.

Honestly, I had not one doubt in my mind that it would not work out. (And to this day, I will never know where that amount of confidence came from lol). I just knew that because I was trustworthy so was my counterpart. It's crazy, its as if I made a comfort zone within my ignorance. Things weren't completely reliable. Communication was almost none existent and well, I was in a relationship with myself really.

Well, once everything hit the fan, feelings were presented on the table like a fine 6-course meal (wine included of course, only the finest, most exquisite crazy) and once I got tired of the roller coaster of what I thought was an okay relationship I finally decided that after this, I was totally done with long distance relationships.

As if my loneliness wasn't enough, I soon learned that a few things were thrown out the window long before I got fed up, like fidelity, honesty, and respect. Y'all, I found out a lot was going on behind my back, while I was praying and believing that God would make a way.  So much that Mahalia never out rightly signed up for. So you bets believe, Mahalia was over the fairy tale of what's labeled as a long distance relationship and I told myself that I wasn't playing that game anymore. The scars hurt too much, my heart was bruised, and my brain was sooooo tired.

Well do you know that God's sense of humor is unlike anyone else's?

Not long after making that vow to myself, I ended up meeting a man after my own heart. Here's the kicker, he was a year after me meaning that once again, I would have to meet the face of the beast once again, a long distance relationship. Everything was so perfect but as the months got closer to me graduating, my fears were trying to graduate with me as well.

I could not do it.

But I loved him.

So what do I do?

Well let me tell you what key thing I have learned thus far. NEVER COMPARE YOUR PAST TO YOUR FUTURE. At least not in a way that is detrimental to what's to come. Learn, yes but compare, don't do that. As my fears crept up during the months leading to December 19th, my Mr. Right also reassured me that we would make it constantly. Something that did not happen with Mr. Wrong lol.

He constantly looked into my eyes, without doubt or fear and told me, "We will be okay. I'm not going anywhere." And honestly, I gained strength and confidence through his strength and confidence.

To be completely honest with you ladies and gents, whether a relationship will work out or not does not depend on the physical distance between two people. In fact, you can be right in the bed next to that person and be further than you know.

I can give you tangible ideas but at the end of the day, if a person loves you, distance will never be an excuse, YALL WILL FIND A WAY TO WORK IT OUT. So please, never allow someone to come to you and say, "long distance relationships never work out". That is a lie, look at a believer's relationship with God. Physically, we couldn't be further away, and yet He shows us new ways that He loves us daily. But He does it because HE loves us and takes the initiative to show us.

The same applies to our relationships here on Earth. If God can love us from Heaven (the ultimate long distance relationship) then we can definitely make it work here on Earth.


When it comes to relationships working out, the responsibility is not on the distance between the two but on the two people and their ability to fight for what's theirs. IF that person is not fighting, then it wasn't theirs to win in the first place. Count it all joy and keep an open heart to what's yours to have, in Jesus Name.

"Three things will last forever --faith, hope, and love -- and the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:13

September 1st ....... #BORN&MADE

As I stated on my Facebook page, I wanted to give a little bit more details regarding this amazing pic! First of all...GIRL POWER! Yes, I so said it! This initiative is a movement and a community of women coming together to uplift one another and to push one another to their highest potential. It is our responsibility to love ourselves and in turn free another sister to love herself. 

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, he always would joke about me being a feminist. Yes! A feminist because I simply don't take stupidity thrown at me especially from those of the opposite sex. I just don't handle it well lol. Many times, we as women have to always be understanding without never being understood. We always have to be empathetic and apologetic for having tough skin, the same tough skin that only developed because of the manifestation of ideas of what a woman should be that surrounded us. 

My mommy taught me to keep God first, be strong and to always love myself. And I can not lie, when I was younger (before puberty & some time after) I would always doubt myself and although I was young and very wet behind the years, I have grown to regret that way of thinking now. 

If I was then who I am now, I probably would have excelled a lot further with my passions and I probably wouldn't be working where I am working, might not have even gone to the college I know and love. Eeeeeh but life happens, and its really no need to regret where you are because you are where you were meant to be ultimately.

For more information check out the website: www.iamthatgirl.com

This picture above represents just that. My struggle in learning who Mahalia truly is.  She is loving & kind and omgee so goofy. She can be extremely determined OR extremely lazy. She tends to go with the directions of her feelings or discernment. She can at times be really mean when she has one of those "oooh my wig too tight" headaches (btw she will rock a wig real quick). She is also learning what it means to truly be celibate with her heart. She is lover but will fight and she loves being transparent. She was once close to 200lbs, she has a bit of a tummy and yet she takes pride in her hourglass shape and full beautiful lips.

I really don't know what direction I was trying to take this post but I do know that we as women have to be able to truly take a look in the mirror and just take everything in with no photoshop. What do you see? I dare you to take a moment and truly just write about who you see when you look in the mirror.  Do you like her? 

We all have pasts that contribute to some of the hardships we struggle with today. But if I let that be an excuse to not search for better then what can I teach my future daughters? How can I be an example of the type of woman my son can date? I couldn't be. If I allowed the demons of my past to overtake me, I would probably be single for the rest of my life. Many people would be surprise by some of the struggles I dealt with in my past but you know what? It made me.

I was born and made with my own customized struggles, but each day I wake up and I have a decision to either be lazy and not make any moves or get up and move forward. Where I came from does not determine who I  am, where I am, or where I am going. I believe that the IAMTHATGIRL Founders definitely know that it is time for a lot of us to take back our strength in a positive way. One of the main things I love about this is that it has entirely nothing to do with race but actually about us! Just us & I love it!  And I am always down for some amazingly beautiful Girl Power talk ;)

Know your worth beautiful. Be a scholar of your God given beauty.

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well" - Psalms 139:14