I Am Such A Liar...To Myself :(

This really wasn't meant to be a long blog post but I have to spill the beans on myself.

I am a liar. Not like a compulsive liar, but one of those liars who says she is going to do this and that and then get distracted by other things in life and never finish what she started in the first place. When it comes to goals, I let myself down alot more than I let others down because I know the achievements I want to accomplish and often times I let life happen and lies happen to myself as well.

It is truly a bad habit and if I can't be honest with myself (or my lovely readers) who can I be honest with? I've been this way since I could remember. Even in college, I lost motivation many of times because I just allowed myself to get distracted by other things.

I sucked at staying focused. There have been countless of times where I have started things in my life...great ideas btw...but still unfinished. So who's to say that my life would have been going in a different direction had I stayed the coarse and remained focused?

Trust me when I say, we all have our flaws. I believe that mines definitely have alot to do with just sticking to my guns, and not allowing anything to distract me from my goals. They say (whoever "they" are) the first step to letting go of an addiction is admitting you have a problem soooooo here we go.......

I Get DISTRACTED 

EASILY.......

Maybe by me actually taking a chance with my pride & ego and actually saying it out loud it will actually help me pull up my big girl pants and really move forward in my goals. It's all a work in progress....

A few things I have learned so far about myself is that, I AM THE REASON FOR ME BEING WHERE I AM. YES, I pray. YES, I aim to keep God in all of my decisions. YES, I stay having goals and aspirations but as it says in the Bible -  "Faith WITHOUT Works Is DEAD" (James 2:17). This basically means that Mahalia cannot just pray that the Lord sees her through without taking steps in faith towards that direction. I have to invest! And honestly, I have struggled for a long time with really staying the coarse. Not because I didn't believe I couldn't do it but because I can just be plain old lazy.

Sometimes I think that when I was younger, my low self esteem catered to my laziness. You know that way of thinking like, "well I can't do this anyways...so why even try. Might as well stop while I am ahead." Sometimes we allow ourselves to murder our own potential and futures by simply speaking death and negativity over our own lives. 

I mean, WHO NEEDS HATERS ANYWAYS WHEN YOU HAVE YOURSELF, RIGHT?

Self esteem is so essential to our futures and maybe if I didn't think so lowly of myself I would have been on stage right now instead of behind a desk. My life would probably have very well gone in a different directions but the great thing is that even with our slip ups, God has a Plan B, C, D....... and Z if we allow Him to have His Way in our lives. 

At this moment, I have a $300 piano sitting on my desk that I have turned on only to allow my nephew to play on. The amazing thing is that, when I prayed to God to provide me with avenues to polish my talents in what I am passionate for, He almost instantly opens a door for that to happen (as He did with this piano). Now, the next move is up to me. Will I take initiative to learn how to play it or will I let it collect dust? Will I continue to post on this blog, regardless of how many views I get or will I give up? Will I keep going hard for better quality of footage for my YouTube page or will I get distracted and give up?

We all have choices to make, in the words of my middle school math teacher, Mr. Hughes. We all have choices no matter what. That is the perk of having Free Will in this life but what will you choose?

I can not say that I will become Mozart on that piano tomorrow but what I can say is that I am in the way of my own success and admitting it to you all is a start but it's that step after admitting the problem that really matters. And I am so tired of lying to myself....Mahalia girl, it is time to change things up or stay chasing opportunities.

What opportunities are you steady chasing? Please, don't feel alone or embarrassed. We can admit our problems together LOL...HOWEVER, since tomorrow is not promised - what can we do today?

#ItsTime