So I have been going through this weird workshop where God has been forcing me to really "adult" and pay attention to things I need to work on within myself.
With Discipline being the main facet He is bringing to my attention, taking care of my body, my temple, has really been chasing after me. With every extra cookie I eat, with every ounce of water I don't drink...there is a little voice in the back of my head saying..."Girl....you getting big."
Which I have.....
During the conclusion of my undergrad, I lost a lot of weight & inches. I was alot more fit than I am now and it definitely shows in the wrong places, including my face. I am known to get the infamous pie face if I eat one too many sweet things.....sigh.
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| This is me.....or at least how I feel lol |
As I take a deeper look into my whole "Getting my sexy back" era, I began to feel uneasy because me cutting down on my eating portions and exercising more wasn't due to me taking charge of having a healthier lifestyle. Nope, my reason was a lot more surface level than that. I just had a fear of being big again.
Although I won't go into my "bigums" story again (check out my blog: Father Figures, Weight, & Confidence). But yes, I have a big girl story that changed my life and from then on, I made somewhat of a silent promise to myself that I would never allow myself to get that big again.
This may seem like a great way to think, right? Somewhat of a motivation? Well the only downside to this kind of motivation is that, if the fear isn't present then I am not assertive and lately....that fear has not been a focal point in my day to day.
So here's the kicker, I go to get an ID made and I look at my picture (this is with my glasses off) and I see the infamous pie face that I despise oh so much...it was a mess! As I squinted my eyes, I saw all of the extra cookies during my lunch at work, all of the extra apple pies I get from Whataburger, all of the gummy worms and whatever else saying 'Hello' to me on the computer screen. #RealityBitesBack
The crazy thing about that moment is, as soon as the fear came, it disappeared. as I stared at the adult Mahalia. It was as if I came to the realization that I am an adult now and although I hate having a pie face, there are different factors that contribute to who I am now, in comparison to who I was when I was in college. It was a peaceful, calming thought.
HOWEVER..........
I am still not down with the whole pie face game, it's not what I prefer. So I know that I need to do something about it. After having that moment of acceptance, I learned that fear is just no longer a motivation for me to become fit. I have to become fit because I desire to. It has to be a lifestyle, not a weight lost challenge. My motivation has to simply be focused on, loving my temple enough to take care of her. I see it as a way of worship also. A way of thanking God for what He has provided me with, being humble and gracious of HIS Grace upon me.
So that's where I am you guys and I will definitely keep you posted during this experience!
Until next time ;)
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