All The Things That Are WRONG With Being Single

Being single is something that a number of us dread.
The thought makes us nervous.
The idea can even make us desperate.
Singleness is rarely, and I do mean RARELY anyone's main motive.

It always makes me laugh when I see someone that is constantly saying, "I don't need love" or  "I am 100% fine without anyone" when we all know that one of the main achievements for almost every living organism is to show care and love and to be cared for and loved. And there is nothing wrong with wanting that.

Usually the problem starts in the process of getting that love. You know the stories....searching for love in all the wrong places...it's a painful process. We search high and low for a certain amount of acceptance, gratitude, genuine appreciation for us to just be...well us. So what do we do...we abuse our time being single. We use it for ALL the WRONG reasons and then we decide that single = lonliness and well that is just way too much to handle at any age.

Singleness.....something has to be wrong with it, right? HECK YEAH! Simply because if your mindframe isn't prepared to be single then you will never know how to handle singlehood. We hear it all the time, older (probably married) people saying, "Use this time of being single to cultivate yourself...focus on you...live life and your aspirations". Which sounds amazing, but if we are constantly taught that being single means not good enough or "unfinished" then ain't nobody (and yes I said ain't nobody) trying to hear that!

One of the key things that is wrong with being single today is that it is open ended and then we feel a need to explain our singleness.

"I am single....BY CHOICE"
"I feel like I need to get myself together first"
"Well I have been in a few relationships before being single...."

And please don't get me wrong, we all have a story. We all have steps in our lives that lead us to where we are and those steps are worth understanding and admiring. The thing is, if we are constantly feeling as if being single is unnecessary then we will forever RUSH it's purpose.

If you are like I was, I had to relearn the true purpose of being single and understand its SPECIFIC PURPOSE IN MY OWN INDIVIDUAL LIFE. And I had to be able to walk into that dark shadow of my life and fight that dragon. And no, by no means was I able to do it alone, it did take practice and a whole lot of prayer. To say the least, IT WAS HARDWORK.

I must say it's a certain amount of sexy confidence you gain by being able to look in the mirror and say "I can do bad by myself " and mean it. Other people will notice it as well. Some will envy it but many will want to touch that inner glow that they just can't seem to fully understand. Their curiosity will be lured by the peace, confidence, and contentment that you exemplify.

I have to admit, that Mahalia has always been her best when she was single. Crazy right? But omg so very, very true. After "THE Lesson" [and by "THE Lesson", I mean the heartbreak in which I had to learn the Secret of Leaning on God], Mahalia was unstoppable and again I always give credit where it's due...TO GOD. He is the one who got me out of my darn feelings and got me focused on what's most important...MY PURPOSE.

Say what you want but unless you have been through heartache, you will never understand the powerful hold it can have over your life. That's why I have no problem with bringing it up and I will probably bring it up time and time again. It is not to pay homage to an Ex. Let me be first to say that I not only love my boyfriend but I respect him and all he stands for as well. As long as the Lord says the same, I will always be by his side, represent not only him well but US well because all that we have is worth taking that chance. HOWEVER, my lesson didn't come from this wonderful relationship....it came from that hellhole I thought was "forever" lol. And I know me and my boo will have plenty of worthwhile lessons to learn together in the future [for a later blog ;)] but right now, I wouldn't be the me, she, her he loves and adores so much if I didn't go through the struggle of a bad relationship.

With that being said, I think that will be the final point that I will use to conclude this particular post for tonight. You want to know what's wrong with being single? Rarely do we learn the lessons we need to honestly learn for the sake of our purpose in our single hood.

Our struggles mold us. And thank God that as long as we believe in Him we know two things with any problem we have in life.

1) Every struggle is used to mold us towards our purpose.
2) Every struggle will never last forever.

and I guess I can add one more...

3) If we have faith in God, have an open heart and open ear to not only listen but be obedient to His direction, peace and success is ALWAYS the end result.

With everything that is right with being single, there is a whole lot of wrong in it if you are not prepared for it. Know that it is worth those nights when all you have is yourself , God and your blankie in your bed. Know that it is worth having to deal with seeing all those endless "Oooh look at me and my boo, we are so happy together" Valentine Day posts on Facebook, IG..ALL THAT lol. Know that it is worth those nights that you may get mad at God and ask why you??  Know that it's worth those moments with yourself that are so silent that all you can hear is the echos of your fears.

Every single SINGLE moment in your life is worth having. Not because you are working on being unstoppable in your next relationship but because you, yes, you and your purpose, are worth your own attention.

To my Fellas & Ladies alike...we got this, I promise :) 

Soli De Gloria,

HalieDee

Mahalia Learns How To Stay In Her Own Lane

Firstly, let me just say that I truly apologize for taking so long to come out with a new blog.

I could blame it on my new job, I could blame it on the life changing events that took place leading me to this new job BUUUUUTTTT I will just say that I have to feel what I produce. If I'm not feeling it, then I will not publish it (I take this writing thing seriously).

Besides that, I have been trying to decide which topic to really dive into next. Although I have plenty of juicy events, I believe that timing is everything, and just because you have the opportunity to say or do something doesn't necessarily mean you need to say or do it. However, I was really feeling this particular topic....sooooo leggo.

On New Year's morning (early early morning) I was at my boo's house with his family and we were going around the room speaking on each one of ours New Year's Resolutions. Although a little cliche', I believe that New Year's Resolutions can somewhat be the focal point of your entire year. Anyways, everyone said theirs and then it was my turn, I had other goals for this year but one of my main goals was FOR ME, SHE, HER TO STAY HER TAIL RIGHT IN HER GOD GIVEN LANE!

Let me tell you why I just yelled that at you in a blog...

I have always been that person who cares a little too much. I don't mean care as in "let me ask you how  you are so that you can see that I am caring for you" type of care, I mean care as in "take it to heart, get on the floor and start praying for you, lose some sleep" type of care. Now although some of you may be saying "that's what you are suppose to do, I mean...you always copying and pasting from your BibleApp anyways..." and while that is true there is a difference between caring and taking on someone else's burdens. A STTTTRRRROOOONNGGGG difference.

One of my main sayings I will tell anyone now is, "I'll keep it at a prayer and keep moving". Meaning, I will give that problem to God, go before Him in prayer as much as He is leading me to and then I will keep my life moving forward. I could go on and on with everything that I have learned regarding this particular topic but then this post will be a book (and then no one will make it to the end :( ). So I will just speak on what I've learned in 2014.

2014 was the year of the come up for me. Not only did God bless me to meet someone totally amazing but He revealed something to me that was way more worth my while, He revealed to me His strength. He showed me what it really meant to lean on Him...especially when I did not know where to turn or who to turn to. Surprisingly, I suffered just as much heartbreak, a lot of tears and confusion all in which I had to again lean on God to gain a better understanding. Some of the heartbreak was personal while some of it was on the behalf of others I was close to and loved dearly.

Sometimes, staying in my lane meant allowing God to take care of the things that personally affected me. No worries, no concerns, just taking Carrie Underwood's advice and truly letting Jesus Take The Wheel. And trust me it is easier said than done. A lot of times we sing, "Let Go, Let God" but we never know how to truly do that. I learned this particular point at the beginning of 2014. I was in a situation where I was getting my feelings hurt, like continuously by people that I loved with all my heart and I was truly confused because what I wanted to do and what God was leading me to do were going in opposite directions. I wanted to leave the situation completely, my nerves were so raw from the continuous disregard.

I wanted to walk away. That's what I wanted to do, but for some reason God wasn't telling me to just leave. He did want me to let go of certain things though, you know, throw away the bones and only keep the meat. Even though to this day I don't fully understand why God didn't just let me walk away, I know that He did and still does want me to stay in the lane He made specifically for me and focus just in the direction He has me in. The amazing thing about God is that, when you say you trust Him, that means just that...YOU TRUST HIM. Therefore, if He hasn't revealed something to you yet then that clearly means it is none of your business or concern until further notice. And I know that if you are like me, that doesn't always sit right with you but if you can still serve God whenever your path is clearly lit just imagine where you will end up when you follow Him through that dark tunnel. I'm just saying....following Him is always worth it even when the world (or even the little voices in your head) is telling you it's not.

The other part of 2014 was again me learning how to stay in my lane (and out of others). Baby, let me tell you, ole girl was learning how to step away from battles that weren't hers. It's so easy to jump to someone else's rescue who you love. So easy. It's so easy and simple to be that armor of protection, to try to provide that extra cushion and energy boast because you want to see whoever be everything you know they are! To sum it all up, you see hope and sometimes that exact motivation is what gets you moving right out of your lane and into theirs (and not even know it).

Well at first you don't notice it. In your head you are just being supportive but the moment your heart starts growing heavier than the person's who it should actually be affecting, boo that's when you know it's time to make some personal changes. Originally, they may not like it, they may even think you aren't being as supportive as you should but sweetheart, that was their battle from the beginning. That's right, theirs and there is nothing wrong with making that clear distinction in your life.

Everyone comes to that point in their life where they have to learn how to lean on God on their own....hello I sure had to. We all do and when someone else's choices (be they bad or good) start messing with the daily flow of your life that's when it's time to really reanalyze: your purpose in that situation, your relationship with that person, and the following moves you need to make to improve your life. Being selfish is never the motive, however, to love others, you must know how to truly love yourself first.

Overall, Mahalia is known for going the extra mile for her team. However, Mahalia is also learning that extra miles are only worthy when they are moving forward, not when steps are being retraced. So with this new found focus, I am able to really allow myself to grow and focus on different avenues of my life. It is amazing the amount of space someone else's issues can take up in your own mind. It is also amazing the amount of goals you can focus on when you clear the clutter. Sometimes, we just have to learn when to give someone else to God 100%, no strings attached. It is a decision we all must make for our health, for our relationships and for our future.

Know when it is truly time to let go of something and then just do it. Truth be told, when ever you decide to do that IT WILL NEVER BE EASY, YOU WILL NEVER FEEL NOW IS THE RIGHT TIME. Usually when it comes to God's timing, rarely is it ever understood but it always happens when it needs to happen. We lose out on some much daylight, so much valuable time and energy (that we will never get back) when we hold on tight to something that is waaay passed its expiration date. Boo your milk is now sour...time to restock the pantry.

Life is always about changes...either we embrace them or we hold on to a dead opportunity. Change will happen regardless, however, it is up to us to trust God enough to free fall into His reality so that we can breathe with no regrets.

It's time to breathe boo......

Yours truly,
Haliedee

"The Adventures of Mahalia & the Confused Heart"

When I was 10, I believe, my mother gave me a journal. It was during a weird time in my life. Living with a teenager who was also your big sister was nothing less then calm. At that age, I was really trying to figure out my place and because of that I kept a lot of things and thoughts hidden. I felt like no one wanted to really hear them anyways. I was the child that had randomly low self esteem. I don't know where it came from but it was that low self esteem that created a fear of me expressing myself.

Well, one day my mom came into my room and handed me a purple and white spiraled notebook and told me, "Mahalia, if you ever feel like you can't talk about how you are feeling. you write all of your thoughts in this." My mom has always been amazing at picking up vibes from her kids (even if we didn't want to admit it). Anywho, I took the opportunity and have been hooked on writing out my thoughts ever since (hence this blog).

The BEST part of journaling is that as time moves on you get to relive moments in your life. No, wait, I lied. The best part of journaling is that you get to literally hear and see yourself grow up. It's crazy! And as weird and uncomfortable as it may be at times, it is totally worth it. So since graduation, besides overloading myself with job applications, I have been reading old journals.

The main journal I have been embarrassing myself over is the issue of : "The Adventures of Mahalia & the Confused Heart" (that's pure sarcasm btw, I never title any of my journals...). This black bound, cardboard journal was nothing less than a masterpiece of a confused heart. A heart that was trying to hold on to something that I believe God Himself was trying to release. Not only that but a confused heart can also be a beast at poetry. Page after page was filled with stanza after stanza, rhythm after rhythm of a young woman trying to let go of an idea.

An idea that was holding her back from her own personal growth. Now this is not meant to be a tell all of an ex but rather a tell all of myself. Many times, we get so confused about why we are standing still. We constantly get frustrated day in and day out because we just cant seem to be moving in the "Right" direction. I was in a toxic relationship that I knew was not for my good. I tried to fit a square peg in a round hole for waaaaay too long so instead of making the tough decision my mind and spirit was instructing me to do and leave, I stayed in a relationship that tore me down, confused me, emotionally abused me, disrespected me, haunted me, kept me up at night, took away my appetite (probably is what helped me lose weight), distracted me and ultimately brought me closer to God.

You know you are in a bad place when you get to a point of saying to yourself, " I don't know how I will even be able to move forward without him/her". That's bad yall for multiple reasons but the main reason is that you are allowing someone else to define you. A human being, just like you define who you are even though your destiny has already been predestined by the One Who created our entire being. I knew I was in a bad place when I had that initial thought but sadly I wasn't released from that craziness completely until 2 years later.

What else can I say? I was stupid but at that time I thought I was in love and if the old me knew then what I know now, I would have let that go as soon as I seen that he wasn't making me a priority. If I could talk to the old me who was writing these tear stained journal entries that I am now reading, I would tell her that this heartbreak will grow me in such a way that I will never be the same. The one thing I learned is that the wrong love can take the innocence away that the right love truly deserves. Holding on to something that isn't yours can make such an impression on you that you literally have to learn how to trust and truly love again. I somewhat regret leaving myself in such a situation because the innocence of trust, true understanding and compassion disappeared to a certain extent.

When you finally meet the right person and they come along after the wrong one, you constantly wish you could give them that fresh spark they honestly deserve. But it's hard because of the fact that you've already seen the dark face of 'Unloved'. You already know what it's like to not be able to trust, and to have your guard up. It's like having a disease that is so consuming that your own body is fighting against you. It's as if you are fighting against your own team. Suddenly you notice yourself trying to find pieces of evidence to hold on to just prove to yourself that you weren't tripping, love was somewhere.

It's God! It is God who can revive a heart, and bless it to beat with a new,  better rhythm. I am grateful. I learned that a revived heart meant leaving the past in the past. Letting sleeping dogs lie (no pun intended). I had to trust God enough to move forward with no knowledge of what that meant for my heart. I had to discipline myself to succumb to His Will for me. Sometimes the hardest thing is to tell yourself  "No" and that your original plan was wrong. This also may mean starting over which can be such a heinous task but all I know is that once you make it to where ever God is trying to take you to you will then be able to see that He knew what He was doing all along.

This situation, although it sucked, gave me strength to love me!  Most importantly, it showed me God's love in a way that only a broken heart can translated. He showed me His compassion and understanding that can not be received from a person or thing. It gives you self assurance. I can now say that if my heart was broken tomorrow, I'll get through it because He is so my strength. I pray that no one who reads this will ever have to go through the tragedy of a broken heart but yall can I just say that if it took all that just for me to discover true peace and joy then it was totally worth it! The confidence I have now is powered by the best renewal resource known to mankind and it's God's Love.

Suddenly that right person, right job, right car, right opportunity, RIGHT YOU comes along and then you're like "Ooooooook God, I get it now" :)

Honestly Seeing My Flaws

Facebook can make life look so perfect. We can literally create an image for the world to see. An image that can either boost our egos or eventually deflate our spirits.

I remember back in high school when I first created my page. Back then Facebook was a privilege, well really it was a secret because you literally had to lie about your age to create an account. In 2006, as kids, the protection from the strikes of the world around us was more intense and of more concern.

Now, I did have a MySpace account before I moved up with the big dogs but it was something about having the ability to walk on forbidden land that made almost everyone become over excited about getting a Facebook account. Even if we didn't have any friends really on there yet, being able to say we had one seemed like enough for a lot of us.

As time progressed, and as Facebook became more popular, more accessible to the public period, somehow it became more of a necessity. More of an obligation to have and with that obligation came the responsibility of its upkeep - your public appearance. Suddenly there was more of a need to care about what other people thought of you.

Originally, I didn't care about Facebook because everyone was still on MySpace...or even Bebo (remember that one??). However, after a while I decided to really give it more of my attention. Along with that decision came questions. What part of me should I show the world? What should I post? How often should I post?

I knew that my relationship with God was important (it had been since I was old enough to really have an understanding of His importance to my life), but posting deep statuses about God was just weird and uncomfortable at 15. I also cared about my reputation at a young age as well, I wanted to be liked and accepted but I also what to be honest.

Going back to old post (some which are just embarrassing...), I started remembering who I was when I posted them. Old friendships, old relationships, old concerns, a lot of which I struggled with internally. Just liking me. Within that struggle, my posts reflected my insecurities, my desires of being accepted by my peers, my desires of being accepted by guys and my desires of being accepted by myself. All were issues in which I struggled with added on to understanding where God came into play. It was honestly mentally exhausting.

So as of now, I reflect on my journey of learning how to be honest about myself and what I had to offer the world. A lot of my struggles were internal, (and I was just praying about this not too long ago), I could have gone in a totally different direction. We see it all the time, young men and women, taking different roads to just answer all the questions about themselves created by themselves in their heads. So yeah, the direction that my life is going in now was and definitely still is motored by grace.

The amazing thing about Facebook is that by the time you click "post", that status has probably been altered, rearranged, created then erased then recreated again numerous of times. The ability of being able to have the control to alter your life is probably one of the key highlights and addictions of Facebook. Being part of the Facebook era meant being part of that privileged group but reality has hit me plenty of times (hard) in reminding me that once you log off, life still happens. You can't recreate words you've said, block certain people (as much as you would like too), you can't always tag someone in a moment of your life, and most importantly, you can't delete a decision once it's been made.

Although overall I can say my life has been blessed, getting to a place of gratefulness hasn't always been easy. How I got here is where the foundation of my story lives....and I haven't even began to speak on that roller coaster yet. The things I've been through, the bad/ wrong decisions as well as good ones is part of the reason why I can be real about myself now.

But getting to this point wasn't always easy....

Sometimes It's Hard For Your Past To Say Goodbye..

August of 2010, I started my life as an Aggie at Texas A&M University. I came in with a mind excited for the college experience but at the same time I was entering with baggage from my hectic senior year of high school. Still I was ready to grow....ready to experience a new life and I did just that. 

First my freshman year, next sophomore, then junior but it wasn't until my senior year that I finally started to notice a mental change going on with in me. I noticed that who I cared about pleasing, I didn't anymore, there were certain things that I didn't need to do anymore to feel included. I had grown my own independent frame of mind and although I praised the change sometimes my past did not. 

The past is amazing. It will hunt you long enough to keep you where you are but then taunt you because you aren't moving at all. By August 2014, my final semester as an undergrad, I was ready to change things up for myself, I was ready to put into action the things that I needed to do so that I could grow spiritually, physically, and mentally. Sadly, my past wasn't and still hasn't been so cooperative.

The thing is I am noticing that I am not the same woman I was in 2010 trying to discover the essence of "she". It isn't some thing that is foreign to me now, I am really starting to see what works for Mahalia and I am also noticing that sometimes some people or even ways of thinking will combat with your growth process. They will hold you in a place where you were or where you were when they first met you and although this way of living may have worked for you then, it probably isn't flowing with you now.

LIFE DOES THAT! Within life, we grow, and change and it is best to be surrounded by those who are trying to do the samething and have the same expectations for you. I get it, sometimes it is hard to say goodbye to what you use to know, but imagine the excitement that's waiting on you behind the next door! 

But step one:...release of what you use to know.