The thought makes us nervous.
The idea can even make us desperate.
Singleness is rarely, and I do mean RARELY anyone's main motive.
It always makes me laugh when I see someone that is constantly saying, "I don't need love" or "I am 100% fine without anyone" when we all know that one of the main achievements for almost every living organism is to show care and love and to be cared for and loved. And there is nothing wrong with wanting that.
Usually the problem starts in the process of getting that love. You know the stories....searching for love in all the wrong places...it's a painful process. We search high and low for a certain amount of acceptance, gratitude, genuine appreciation for us to just be...well us. So what do we do...we abuse our time being single. We use it for ALL the WRONG reasons and then we decide that single = lonliness and well that is just way too much to handle at any age.
Singleness.....something has to be wrong with it, right? HECK YEAH! Simply because if your mindframe isn't prepared to be single then you will never know how to handle singlehood. We hear it all the time, older (probably married) people saying, "Use this time of being single to cultivate yourself...focus on you...live life and your aspirations". Which sounds amazing, but if we are constantly taught that being single means not good enough or "unfinished" then ain't nobody (and yes I said ain't nobody) trying to hear that!
One of the key things that is wrong with being single today is that it is open ended and then we feel a need to explain our singleness.
"I am single....BY CHOICE"
"I feel like I need to get myself together first"
"Well I have been in a few relationships before being single...."
And please don't get me wrong, we all have a story. We all have steps in our lives that lead us to where we are and those steps are worth understanding and admiring. The thing is, if we are constantly feeling as if being single is unnecessary then we will forever RUSH it's purpose.
If you are like I was, I had to relearn the true purpose of being single and understand its SPECIFIC PURPOSE IN MY OWN INDIVIDUAL LIFE. And I had to be able to walk into that dark shadow of my life and fight that dragon. And no, by no means was I able to do it alone, it did take practice and a whole lot of prayer. To say the least, IT WAS HARDWORK.
I must say it's a certain amount of sexy confidence you gain by being able to look in the mirror and say "I can do bad by myself " and mean it. Other people will notice it as well. Some will envy it but many will want to touch that inner glow that they just can't seem to fully understand. Their curiosity will be lured by the peace, confidence, and contentment that you exemplify.
I have to admit, that Mahalia has always been her best when she was single. Crazy right? But omg so very, very true. After "THE Lesson" [and by "THE Lesson", I mean the heartbreak in which I had to learn the Secret of Leaning on God], Mahalia was unstoppable and again I always give credit where it's due...TO GOD. He is the one who got me out of my darn feelings and got me focused on what's most important...MY PURPOSE.
Say what you want but unless you have been through heartache, you will never understand the powerful hold it can have over your life. That's why I have no problem with bringing it up and I will probably bring it up time and time again. It is not to pay homage to an Ex. Let me be first to say that I not only love my boyfriend but I respect him and all he stands for as well. As long as the Lord says the same, I will always be by his side, represent not only him well but US well because all that we have is worth taking that chance. HOWEVER, my lesson didn't come from this wonderful relationship....it came from that hellhole I thought was "forever" lol. And I know me and my boo will have plenty of worthwhile lessons to learn together in the future [for a later blog ;)] but right now, I wouldn't be the me, she, her he loves and adores so much if I didn't go through the struggle of a bad relationship.
With that being said, I think that will be the final point that I will use to conclude this particular post for tonight. You want to know what's wrong with being single? Rarely do we learn the lessons we need to honestly learn for the sake of our purpose in our single hood.
Our struggles mold us. And thank God that as long as we believe in Him we know two things with any problem we have in life.
1) Every struggle is used to mold us towards our purpose.
2) Every struggle will never last forever.
and I guess I can add one more...
3) If we have faith in God, have an open heart and open ear to not only listen but be obedient to His direction, peace and success is ALWAYS the end result.
With everything that is right with being single, there is a whole lot of wrong in it if you are not prepared for it. Know that it is worth those nights when all you have is yourself , God and your blankie in your bed. Know that it is worth having to deal with seeing all those endless "Oooh look at me and my boo, we are so happy together" Valentine Day posts on Facebook, IG..ALL THAT lol. Know that it is worth those nights that you may get mad at God and ask why you?? Know that it's worth those moments with yourself that are so silent that all you can hear is the echos of your fears.
Every single SINGLE moment in your life is worth having. Not because you are working on being unstoppable in your next relationship but because you, yes, you and your purpose, are worth your own attention.
To my Fellas & Ladies alike...we got this, I promise :)
Soli De Gloria,
HalieDee
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