I could blame it on my new job, I could blame it on the life changing events that took place leading me to this new job BUUUUUTTTT I will just say that I have to feel what I produce. If I'm not feeling it, then I will not publish it (I take this writing thing seriously).
Besides that, I have been trying to decide which topic to really dive into next. Although I have plenty of juicy events, I believe that timing is everything, and just because you have the opportunity to say or do something doesn't necessarily mean you need to say or do it. However, I was really feeling this particular topic....sooooo leggo.
On New Year's morning (early early morning) I was at my boo's house with his family and we were going around the room speaking on each one of ours New Year's Resolutions. Although a little cliche', I believe that New Year's Resolutions can somewhat be the focal point of your entire year. Anyways, everyone said theirs and then it was my turn, I had other goals for this year but one of my main goals was FOR ME, SHE, HER TO STAY HER TAIL RIGHT IN HER GOD GIVEN LANE!
Let me tell you why I just yelled that at you in a blog...
I have always been that person who cares a little too much. I don't mean care as in "let me ask you how you are so that you can see that I am caring for you" type of care, I mean care as in "take it to heart, get on the floor and start praying for you, lose some sleep" type of care. Now although some of you may be saying "that's what you are suppose to do, I mean...you always copying and pasting from your BibleApp anyways..." and while that is true there is a difference between caring and taking on someone else's burdens. A STTTTRRRROOOONNGGGG difference.
One of my main sayings I will tell anyone now is, "I'll keep it at a prayer and keep moving". Meaning, I will give that problem to God, go before Him in prayer as much as He is leading me to and then I will keep my life moving forward. I could go on and on with everything that I have learned regarding this particular topic but then this post will be a book (and then no one will make it to the end :( ). So I will just speak on what I've learned in 2014.
2014 was the year of the come up for me. Not only did God bless me to meet someone totally amazing but He revealed something to me that was way more worth my while, He revealed to me His strength. He showed me what it really meant to lean on Him...especially when I did not know where to turn or who to turn to. Surprisingly, I suffered just as much heartbreak, a lot of tears and confusion all in which I had to again lean on God to gain a better understanding. Some of the heartbreak was personal while some of it was on the behalf of others I was close to and loved dearly.
Sometimes, staying in my lane meant allowing God to take care of the things that personally affected me. No worries, no concerns, just taking Carrie Underwood's advice and truly letting Jesus Take The Wheel. And trust me it is easier said than done. A lot of times we sing, "Let Go, Let God" but we never know how to truly do that. I learned this particular point at the beginning of 2014. I was in a situation where I was getting my feelings hurt, like continuously by people that I loved with all my heart and I was truly confused because what I wanted to do and what God was leading me to do were going in opposite directions. I wanted to leave the situation completely, my nerves were so raw from the continuous disregard.
I wanted to walk away. That's what I wanted to do, but for some reason God wasn't telling me to just leave. He did want me to let go of certain things though, you know, throw away the bones and only keep the meat. Even though to this day I don't fully understand why God didn't just let me walk away, I know that He did and still does want me to stay in the lane He made specifically for me and focus just in the direction He has me in. The amazing thing about God is that, when you say you trust Him, that means just that...YOU TRUST HIM. Therefore, if He hasn't revealed something to you yet then that clearly means it is none of your business or concern until further notice. And I know that if you are like me, that doesn't always sit right with you but if you can still serve God whenever your path is clearly lit just imagine where you will end up when you follow Him through that dark tunnel. I'm just saying....following Him is always worth it even when the world (or even the little voices in your head) is telling you it's not.
The other part of 2014 was again me learning how to stay in my lane (and out of others). Baby, let me tell you, ole girl was learning how to step away from battles that weren't hers. It's so easy to jump to someone else's rescue who you love. So easy. It's so easy and simple to be that armor of protection, to try to provide that extra cushion and energy boast because you want to see whoever be everything you know they are! To sum it all up, you see hope and sometimes that exact motivation is what gets you moving right out of your lane and into theirs (and not even know it).
Well at first you don't notice it. In your head you are just being supportive but the moment your heart starts growing heavier than the person's who it should actually be affecting, boo that's when you know it's time to make some personal changes. Originally, they may not like it, they may even think you aren't being as supportive as you should but sweetheart, that was their battle from the beginning. That's right, theirs and there is nothing wrong with making that clear distinction in your life.
Everyone comes to that point in their life where they have to learn how to lean on God on their own....hello I sure had to. We all do and when someone else's choices (be they bad or good) start messing with the daily flow of your life that's when it's time to really reanalyze: your purpose in that situation, your relationship with that person, and the following moves you need to make to improve your life. Being selfish is never the motive, however, to love others, you must know how to truly love yourself first.
Overall, Mahalia is known for going the extra mile for her team. However, Mahalia is also learning that extra miles are only worthy when they are moving forward, not when steps are being retraced. So with this new found focus, I am able to really allow myself to grow and focus on different avenues of my life. It is amazing the amount of space someone else's issues can take up in your own mind. It is also amazing the amount of goals you can focus on when you clear the clutter. Sometimes, we just have to learn when to give someone else to God 100%, no strings attached. It is a decision we all must make for our health, for our relationships and for our future.
Know when it is truly time to let go of something and then just do it. Truth be told, when ever you decide to do that IT WILL NEVER BE EASY, YOU WILL NEVER FEEL NOW IS THE RIGHT TIME. Usually when it comes to God's timing, rarely is it ever understood but it always happens when it needs to happen. We lose out on some much daylight, so much valuable time and energy (that we will never get back) when we hold on tight to something that is waaay passed its expiration date. Boo your milk is now sour...time to restock the pantry.
Life is always about changes...either we embrace them or we hold on to a dead opportunity. Change will happen regardless, however, it is up to us to trust God enough to free fall into His reality so that we can breathe with no regrets.
It's time to breathe boo......
Yours truly,
Haliedee
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