How Do You Let Go Of Someone Who Does Not Love You?

**Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with my current relationship lol....in the words of bae..."we good ;) **

So how do you let go of someone who does not love you? How do you know when to let go of something you once thought would last you a lifetime?  That question is a lot easier said than done but it is worth thinking about...

I have had my share of bad relationships. I have been in the situations where I was in a relationship with someone who liked me but I really wasn't feeling. I have been in relationships where I was in love and he wasn't. I was in situations where it had everything that should have made it perfect but it just wasn't thus making me feel guilty. I mean, I don't think I I've been in a lot of relationships however, I do know I have had my share of experiences that have prepared me for where I am now.

I will say though, that it was me knowing my worth that helped me get over the um..... duds of my life.

I remember the day one of my exs told me, "you will never do better than me!!"

.........BUT PAUSE, WAS HE SERIOUS THOUGH?!?

I do believe that he was, but that was such a monumental part of my life. I say that because I think from then on out I started believing harder than ever in God. I made the following declaration to myself at that moment:

If I am a Believer in Christ then that means I believe His Word is true,

If His Word Is True then that means it can not return back void[Isaiah 55:11],

I know that HE loves me and wants the ultimate best for me,

....and I know that if I can feel this WRONG, in this relationship,

GOD IS SO SUFFICIENT THAT HE CAN DEFINITELY BRING ME RIGHT.

I KNOW WHO I SERVE, AND I KNOW HE HAS SOMEONE WHO I WILL KNOW IN MY HEART WHO IS BEST FOR ME!

Yes folks, all that found its way in my head as I watched my ex walk away in all of his ego. I just knew God had better for me than that situation because if that was my good thing, I SURE AS HECK didn't want it. It just felt wrong, nothing felt right. Plus, our personalities did not click. Everyone figured we would be the perfect couple for each other. And I sometimes believe that I even believed the hype. It's truly amazing to me how those outside your relationship looking in can make you feel so far from the truth of what truly is happening. Somehow though, when you are alone, echoing in the silence, you can hear the clarity of truth. That's probably why I didn't care to spend any time with him. I was in denial of what was clear. This guy was no exception, we were both smart. Both had pretty nice looking futures ahead of us but it just wasn't where I was suppose to be.

Truth is, I felt bad once we officially broke up because I totally had this bad habit of caring about everyone's feelings except my own. In fact, the devil was even smart enough to try and use that as a way to make me doubt God's direction for my love life. Every now and then, I heard a little voice in my ear saying, "What if he was right?" "What if you are missing out on your perfect future?" I would quickly dismiss that thought though, I thought about how miserable I was and although I didn't have a ton of scriptures of the Bible, I did understand that all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord, to them who are called according to his purpose [Roman 8:28].

But I guess the real question is, how do you know that the person you've been in a relationship with for umpteenth years actually loves you?

Well I guess if we really have to ask that question then that explains a lot more than we may think or would like to admit. 

Honesty....

If we are honest with ourselves, either our hearts or our minds gives us red flags regarding whoever we are prospectively looking at. If this person truly loves you, they will want to make sure that you honestly understand their intentions for you. Because they honestly love you, they will honestly want your love in return. They will always be honest with you, even when it hurts at times. They will make it clear that they see and want you in their future. They may not know how to get there but they do know that you are there with them. I believe that a person knows at least within the first few weeks of being with a person whether or not they can see a possible future with them. I'm not saying "I love you" will be said on the 4th date, but what I am saying is that a nerve will be stroked.

Consistency...

Before I got into my current blessing, I dealt with inconsistencies in almost every relationship I was in.  Ole dudes just did not understand the logic behind being consistent. I now get how big of a role maturity played in it all but at the time all I knew was that they weren't reliable. When someone truly loves you, their love will be consistent. It will not be iffy and it definitely will not play hide and seek with your heart. The love will be consistent. Their love will have a steady heartbeat. Now every now and then you may feel a palpitation but there should never be a flat line. When I speak of consistency, I am talking about responsibilities in the relationship, taking your thoughts and the things that effect you in consideration. Making you a priority will be consistent. When I met my boo, I had so many problems with consistency in the past that I effected my trust levels in so many ways. I questioned almost everything, my walls were higher than Mt. Everest. Consistency brings reliability and reliability brings trust which brings strength. Along with honesty and consistency comes communication as well. If someone loves you, they will communicate that to you, one way or another. 

How Do You Let Go Of Someone Who Does Not Love You......

Get Selfish & Stop.

You just stop. Stop the calling, the texting, the fantasizing (of what isn't), the hoping, the investing, you just stop. I am not saying that it is easy but ultimately to quit a cycle, you have to just stop. For me, I actually had to start accepting that I wasn't gaining what I personally needed from who I was with. 

Alot of times as women, we think so much about what we can provide for our counterpart that we don't actually take out the time to think about what's being provided for us. I had to get selfish and honestly think about what it was that I truly desired in my relationship. Then I had to look at what I had and say to myself, " if this man does not make any changes from here on out, would I be satisfied with what I have?" Once I noticed that my answer was a no ( or more like a HELL NO), I began to find strength to make moves for the well being of myself.

I know that I am a woman of chances. I believe that just as God gives us chances to get it together, we owe it to those who we care about to give them chances as well. HOWEVER, I also believe in having a limit to the madness as well. I don't believe in continously going into cycles because I HATE LOOKING STUPID. Yes, that's right my friends, my pride is what helps me let go of helpless situations.

And I know what some of you are probably thinking,"Mahalia, we can do all things through Christ" (nice try) but every situation is not Christ-created. Some decisions are choices, not chosen situations. By that I mean, some relationships aren't destiny, some of them were us trying to create a destiny with an undestined person. Because we think it should work, we do all we can so that it does. So then when it is time to let go of that person, it is harder than ever because of all the investing placed in that dead end.

Ultimately, at the end of the day, love is always sure. True love knows what belongs to it and it connects to that branch of life. Never let fear bribe you into remaining in a relationship that is you already know you shouldn't be in. Remember time waits for no one, but God always has a remarkable way of changing your slip ups to come ups. Trust in Him and Wait on Him.

Until next time....ciao!