Bucketlist #1 - Discipline

Hebrews 12 really struck a nerve for me. As I have been adulting this thing called life, I have started to notice the things I need to work on as a woman in Christ and rarely has it been easy. Lately, God has been pointing out how much discipline I lack in almost ever aspect of my life. And let me tell you, blow after blow after blow has been a little unnerving, unsettling and to make it plain for the saints, its been disappointing. 

So after seeing this scripture on my Bible app, I knew that I had to stop running from what God was trying to show me.

One thing I can say I have struggled with is not allowing my emotions to change my plans. Its not good for friendships, the corporate world or even my own personal life. Many times, I would plan to do something and then almost as quickly as the weather changes, so would my mood and everything that I had previously planned. So what would happen next?.....well you guessed it...NOTHING BUT A BALL OF LAZINESS.

IT is so sad  but I have to be honest with myself. I guess it would ultimately depend on how much of a priority it truly is with me. When I know that someone is truly counting on me to deliver, I do it with a quickness, however, if at all I may seem to have a little wiggle room to change my mind - by George you better believe I most likely will. So you know after doing committing to this bad habit for definitely my entire college career once it enters into a new fascade of your life it just becomes draining. 

I want people to rely on me, to be able to count on me and not just look at me and think  I am a gaping black hole of slothfulness and unreliability. So with prayer and determination, I plan to allow God to mold all that is me into who I need to be, starting with Discipline. Not sure if that will be going to bed a specific time everyday, going to workout on a weekly bases or just reading my Scriptcha' daily. 

Its time to grow spiritually and the only way to do that is by accepting my flaws, calling them bad boys out on the floor and allowing God to lead them out of my life instead of allowing them to lead my life.

I'll keep you updated ;)                                                                    

  

#PressPlay2016 #29 || People Pleasing,,, Peace,,,,,Purpose

#PressPlay2016 #27 || Pray for my Patience!!

The Bucketlist || Discovering New Joys In My Life

Ever been in a place in your life where you want to do something amazing and out of the ordinary? I think I am at that point now.

Sometimes, after going through the same things or types of things again and again....you are ready for a change.

I am at a point in my life where I need to endure a personal change, a change that requires me to change the way I usually envision my daily life. Sometimes I feel that I missed my chance in college. College is usually the time that young adults try everything in the book before we officially began the adulting process...it's kind of like going through puberty all of over again except instead of getting a period every month I just get bills.

Anyways, life for me has been so weird lately. Everything has been changing in my life and most of it seems to be out of my control. From relationships to personal endeavours, I feel like I have been embedding my life so much into everything but discovering the joy that the Lord has creatively created in my life.

I am ready for a change to say the least but it's not the type of change that I usually look forward to. I say that because I am such a Starter. Starter - I create different ideas, I start off with tons of amazing ideas with no earthly idea of how I will go about it. So then my "Starter project" is left open ended and I am left looking unreliable and unmotivated.

As a now 24 year old, my desires have changed alot since first leaving college, I desire to have true joy in my life. Now as a "Starter" this sounds like another project is about to peak it's head around the corner. The biggest thing is that I want to value where God has me right now.

I desire joy!

Creating a reasonable bucketlist is something I have always wanted to do but never had because I simply couldn't see anything truly coming to past. But since I am in this place awkward place in my life...why not?

I will keep you all posted ;)

Mahalia Is Out of Service...

Mahalia is dealing with her own issues okay? Not in some crazy, I am going to lose my mind way but in a way that I need to really focus and prioritize the "Grown Mahalia".

I am in such a new place in my adulting life but I am learning that there are many things that the new Mahalia just don't agree with that the old Mahalia clearly does. Especially when it comes to the relationships in my life.

I desire to love wholeheartedly, to love Christ's ppl as He loves the Church but I feel like to get to that point, I  need to shed some dead skin. I need to let go of some old ways of thinking. I need to let Mahalia fully grow up.What I am noticing is that, as the new "Adult version" of Mahalia comes into full bloom some decisions she is attempting to make doesn't fully make sense because the old, premature Mahalia still wants to play.

And see that's the problem....

Both versions can't coexist. It's impossible. In fact, when both try to move in together, it just ends up being plain, old, annoying, unproductive, confusing destruction.

So you see, I need to shed this dead skin. It is imperative that I loosen myself from old, childish habits. Many of these habits are insecurities, unresolved weaknesses that I have dealt with since being a child. Insecurities that made me question any ounce of God given talent I had. For example, in dance class I was so worried about what others thought that I literally overthought every move and couldn't remember a darn move, In choir, although in my head I could see myself effortlessly blowing crowds away with my strong, yet untamed voice, however, I lost my voice completely and lost my breath, momentum and confidence.

Mahalia just needs to deal with Mahalia and world I am so sorry if that means that I may be out of service temporarily. I apologize in advance if that means that she isn't as "supportive" as she always has been. I apologize if her temporary hiatus means that she has morphed into a "bad friend". I apologize if she removes herself from friendships that only drains her. I apologize in advance, for her deciding that her worth is more important than any relationship status. I so apologize that she knew what she deserved and finally accepted when she wasn't receiving that. I apologize for her coming off as unbothered or unconcerned during this period.

I do apologize. I apologize if this doesn't make sense but Mahalia needs to deal with Mahalia before she can deal with anyone else.

It's time for Mahalia to experience this new side of life that God has in store for her WITHOUT THE INSECURITIES!!!

I'm trying to be liked during this period of my life, I'm trying to be WHOLE.

C'est La Vie || Letting Go of Old Unhealthy Ways

Ever get tired of feeling like everyone else feels like they deserve a fulfilling life but you? They are entitled to a whole  life surrounded by loving, caring people but you. You spend countless hours of your own existence trying to make sure everyone else is happy with you, making sure you don't let them down and then you realize your worth and that is when everything hits the fan.

I am so tired of people expecting me to forget myself so that they can be comfortable. I am totally over that notion. You know I partially blame myself for it, I have always been a people pleaser. Wanting everybody and their mama to like me and my decisions. In fact, when I would make my decisions, I would think about what others would think about my decisions so that everything remains kosher, so that the seas remain calm.

Then one day, Mahalia decided to remove what was toxic in her life. Negative ways, negative people. She decided to really ask God, "is this working for my life?" She decided to really learn herself and love who she has discovered. Whenever she has done that, all of a sudden she is the totally opposite of what she has always been. Suddenly she is selfish, rude, uncaring, UNCHRISTIAN,  A TOTAL HYPOCRITE! ----- As I have gotten older, I am learning the importance of life being balanced and most importantly living life intentionally.


And sometimes...people just won't understand when it no longer benefits them.

#PressPlay2016 #26: Lets Talk:: || I Am Spiritually Frustrated!