Mahalia Is Out of Service...

Mahalia is dealing with her own issues okay? Not in some crazy, I am going to lose my mind way but in a way that I need to really focus and prioritize the "Grown Mahalia".

I am in such a new place in my adulting life but I am learning that there are many things that the new Mahalia just don't agree with that the old Mahalia clearly does. Especially when it comes to the relationships in my life.

I desire to love wholeheartedly, to love Christ's ppl as He loves the Church but I feel like to get to that point, I  need to shed some dead skin. I need to let go of some old ways of thinking. I need to let Mahalia fully grow up.What I am noticing is that, as the new "Adult version" of Mahalia comes into full bloom some decisions she is attempting to make doesn't fully make sense because the old, premature Mahalia still wants to play.

And see that's the problem....

Both versions can't coexist. It's impossible. In fact, when both try to move in together, it just ends up being plain, old, annoying, unproductive, confusing destruction.

So you see, I need to shed this dead skin. It is imperative that I loosen myself from old, childish habits. Many of these habits are insecurities, unresolved weaknesses that I have dealt with since being a child. Insecurities that made me question any ounce of God given talent I had. For example, in dance class I was so worried about what others thought that I literally overthought every move and couldn't remember a darn move, In choir, although in my head I could see myself effortlessly blowing crowds away with my strong, yet untamed voice, however, I lost my voice completely and lost my breath, momentum and confidence.

Mahalia just needs to deal with Mahalia and world I am so sorry if that means that I may be out of service temporarily. I apologize in advance if that means that she isn't as "supportive" as she always has been. I apologize if her temporary hiatus means that she has morphed into a "bad friend". I apologize if she removes herself from friendships that only drains her. I apologize in advance, for her deciding that her worth is more important than any relationship status. I so apologize that she knew what she deserved and finally accepted when she wasn't receiving that. I apologize for her coming off as unbothered or unconcerned during this period.

I do apologize. I apologize if this doesn't make sense but Mahalia needs to deal with Mahalia before she can deal with anyone else.

It's time for Mahalia to experience this new side of life that God has in store for her WITHOUT THE INSECURITIES!!!

I'm trying to be liked during this period of my life, I'm trying to be WHOLE.