Why I Chose to be Celibate..

To some people, this title might shock you..and that was definitely my intention. One of the things that I am paying attention to is that more people tend to read my posts when they are centered around relationships so I decided to go in on another topic and be transparent.

Now when we think about celibacy, we automatically think about S-E-X. We think about the Trey Songz, R-Kelly's  or even Tyrese moments of our lives. As a Christian woman, one thing I did notice was that we place so much attention on waiting until marriage. We treat it like a delicate, sacred induction into being the ultimate Woman of God.

Now don't get me wrong, sex outside of marriage, i.e fornication, is sin and it is wrong. But I want to go a lot deeper into the act. What does it really mean to be celibate?

One of the things that held me to a different standard growing up was my decision to wait until marriage. With a combination of that as well as past events that took place in my life, it was easy for me to decline even placing myself in uncomfortable situations that could lead to the disappearance of my virginity.

As I got older, I started to see the perks of still having that infamous, red little V-card. It earned me a certain amount of respect from my male counterparts. Whenever, I would tell them (after they asked of course) that I was a virgin, they would "ooooh" and "aaaaahhh" and tell me how rare that is. To be as "old" as I was and still be a virgin gave almost every single one of them hope, as well as a prerogative to conquer the quest of the "V".

From then on, I took it as an honor, to still have my virginity because it set me apart. Not only that but having that V-Card also created a safety net for me. After learning things regarding my past, I had issues with trusting men (that's a totally different blog post) and so I knew that who ever I married would have to honestly love me for me because it would not be for the sex that wasn't happening.

As I got older, I started to think even deeper into the whole "waiting till marriage" way of thinking and it made me think about it in a totally different way. Even if a person decides to be sexually celibate, what about their heart?

So often, as Christian women, we focus on the Sodom & Gomorrah scenes in the Bible. And it is like we make up our minds that remaining a virgin is the ultimate sacrifice as a woman to show her love for God. True enough, our bodies are temples (1 Corinthians 9:16) and we are far more precious than rubies (Proverbs 31:10) but is that really all God was talking about when it came to remaining pure?

I learned that is faaaaaaarrrr from the case. There are many times that as believers, male or females, we may remain physically celibate but our heart's virginity is far spent. We tend to think so much about making sure that we are sexually pure that we forget that our heart's virginity is just as important if not more. I mean let's be honest, whether we have had great experiences with love or the absolute worst, our hearts (whether warm or cold) are the determining factor of how close we allow someone to get to us.

I mean it only makes since when you think about it, a protected heart means a more fulfilling life and deeper & more meaningful relationships. I learned that fornication goes way deeper than sex because it is our hearts that can connect us to the best or the worst of our experiences.

So I guess, as a Christian woman, I choose to be celibate in my heart as well. Everything I do comes from my heart. So that means those really right relationships as well as those "wait, Mahalia why?" relationships all stem from my heart. My livelihood depends on the rhythm of that drum that pumps blood through my body and effects the many lives around me.

My heart is precious cargo, which is kinda a huge deal.

And whether we realize it or not, the health of our hearts determines the health of our life and the health of the relationships that are within our lives. I learned that as growing up even in college, it was not enough to just say I was waiting till marriage and then go on with the rest of my life. Before we ever reach the threshold of physical satisfaction, we must decide that the protection of our hearts is a priority first.

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the coarse of your life." - Proverbs 4:23

The lessons you learn in college.....man lol.

Until next time lovies ;)